1 00:00:08,990 --> 00:00:10,241 I'm having second thoughts 2 00:00:10,275 --> 00:00:12,326 about one of the shirts I packed. 3 00:00:12,377 --> 00:00:14,879 The blue one with the stripes. 4 00:00:14,913 --> 00:00:17,081 I'm sure it's fine. It's a blue shirt. 5 00:00:17,115 --> 00:00:19,550 Well, yeah, but I'm wondering if it's too blue. 6 00:00:19,584 --> 00:00:24,755 Like, am I making a statement with the blueness? 7 00:00:24,789 --> 00:00:27,991 I am leaving early today for Philly, 8 00:00:28,009 --> 00:00:31,729 because tomorrow is the first day of my new job. 9 00:00:31,763 --> 00:00:34,215 So I figure I'd get in at 5:00, 10 00:00:34,266 --> 00:00:36,767 check into a hotel at about 6:00 11 00:00:36,802 --> 00:00:38,552 so I can get a real good night 12 00:00:38,603 --> 00:00:41,422 of restless sleep and nervous puking. 13 00:00:41,456 --> 00:00:42,973 Uh, excuse me. Trying to get work done. 14 00:00:43,007 --> 00:00:45,109 Some people don't care about Jim's new sports job 15 00:00:45,143 --> 00:00:46,777 in Phila-whatever. 16 00:00:46,812 --> 00:00:49,480 So you know my job has something to do with sports, 17 00:00:49,514 --> 00:00:52,182 but you don't know the end of the word "Philadelphia"? 18 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:53,551 Philadelphia. 19 00:00:53,585 --> 00:00:55,569 From the Greek philia, meaning "love," 20 00:00:55,620 --> 00:00:57,538 and adelph, meaning "Adolf." 21 00:00:57,572 --> 00:00:58,873 "The city that loves Adolf." 22 00:00:58,907 --> 00:01:00,908 Good luck with your new enterprise. 23 00:01:00,959 --> 00:01:02,626 And don't wear the blue striped shirt. 24 00:01:02,661 --> 00:01:06,130 It makes your neck look like an old mop handle. 25 00:01:08,550 --> 00:01:09,750 Oh... Hey, guys, 26 00:01:09,801 --> 00:01:11,802 the Christmas party is today. 27 00:01:11,837 --> 00:01:13,587 Merry Christmas, everyone! 28 00:01:13,638 --> 00:01:15,139 - No. - Is it? 29 00:01:15,173 --> 00:01:16,390 - I mean, it says "X-mas party," 30 00:01:16,424 --> 00:01:18,759 but I think we all know what that's code for. 31 00:01:18,810 --> 00:01:21,095 So we're not gonna have a Christmas party this year? 32 00:01:21,146 --> 00:01:23,063 Angela, how could you do this to us? 33 00:01:23,098 --> 00:01:24,982 Oh, right, like I'm responsible 34 00:01:25,016 --> 00:01:27,017 'cause I'm in charge of the party planning committee. 35 00:01:27,051 --> 00:01:28,819 Well, you are the one in charge of it. 36 00:01:28,854 --> 00:01:31,054 Don't blame me for something we all forgot. 37 00:01:31,072 --> 00:01:33,774 Yeah, let's not blame her for something we all forgot. 38 00:01:33,825 --> 00:01:37,060 I didn't realize how many of Angela's opinions I agreed with, 39 00:01:37,078 --> 00:01:38,896 until she tried to have my kneecap shattered 40 00:01:38,914 --> 00:01:40,331 for sleeping with her husband. 41 00:01:40,365 --> 00:01:43,684 She makes a lot of very sound points. 42 00:01:43,718 --> 00:01:44,919 I knew the party was today, 43 00:01:44,953 --> 00:01:47,004 but nobody asked me to plan it, so I didn't. 44 00:01:47,038 --> 00:01:48,706 Hmm, funny how that works. 45 00:01:48,740 --> 00:01:50,407 We're out there 46 00:01:50,425 --> 00:01:52,376 sweating our balls off every day, 47 00:01:52,410 --> 00:01:53,677 bustin' our balls. 48 00:01:53,712 --> 00:01:55,346 We deserve a Christmas party! 49 00:01:55,380 --> 00:01:57,247 Well, then, why don't we just get some liquor 50 00:01:57,265 --> 00:02:00,601 - and those mini-cupcakes? - Mini-cupcakes? 51 00:02:00,635 --> 00:02:03,521 As in the mini version of regular cupcakes, 52 00:02:03,555 --> 00:02:06,273 which is already a mini version of cake? 53 00:02:06,308 --> 00:02:08,776 Honestly, where does it end with you people? 54 00:02:08,810 --> 00:02:11,428 What about an authentic Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas? 55 00:02:11,446 --> 00:02:13,230 Drink some gluhwein, 56 00:02:13,264 --> 00:02:14,782 enjoy some hasenpfeffer. 57 00:02:14,816 --> 00:02:17,451 Enjoy Christmas with Saint Nicolas' 58 00:02:17,485 --> 00:02:20,270 rural German companion, Belsnickel. 59 00:02:20,288 --> 00:02:23,324 Yes! That, that, that! 60 00:02:23,375 --> 00:02:25,826 We're definitely doing that. Are we all in agreement? 61 00:02:25,877 --> 00:02:26,877 - No. - No! 62 00:02:26,912 --> 00:02:28,462 - Done, right? - No. 63 00:02:28,496 --> 00:02:29,830 I want tropical Christmas. 64 00:02:29,881 --> 00:02:32,666 - Topless Christmas. - Tapas Swiss miss! 65 00:02:32,717 --> 00:02:36,053 Spanish tapas and Swiss miss hot cocoa-- 66 00:02:36,087 --> 00:02:37,855 what's so hard to understand? 67 00:02:37,889 --> 00:02:40,624 Or, who was it that suggested 68 00:02:40,642 --> 00:02:42,309 the authentic Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas? 69 00:02:42,344 --> 00:02:43,644 I think it was someone really popular. 70 00:02:43,678 --> 00:02:45,462 - We already said no. - No, no, no. 71 00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:46,730 Too weird. 72 00:02:46,765 --> 00:02:47,982 This is me and my family 73 00:02:48,016 --> 00:02:49,400 celebrating Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas 74 00:02:49,434 --> 00:02:51,235 in 1982 on the farm. 75 00:02:51,269 --> 00:02:52,970 There's me and my brother jeb 76 00:02:52,988 --> 00:02:54,805 breaking the ceremonial pig rib. 77 00:02:54,839 --> 00:02:57,408 He doesn't come back for Christmas anymore. 78 00:02:57,442 --> 00:03:00,477 The sepia tint is from an app on my phone. 79 00:03:00,495 --> 00:03:04,748 This is the same photo, Matrix style. 80 00:03:04,783 --> 00:03:06,200 I'm not understanding the confusion. 81 00:03:06,251 --> 00:03:07,585 Am I the only one who wants to try 82 00:03:07,619 --> 00:03:09,954 hufflepuffs and schnauzerhosen, 83 00:03:09,988 --> 00:03:11,154 and meet this glenpickle guy? 84 00:03:12,457 --> 00:03:14,708 Party planning committee, emergency meeting. 85 00:03:14,759 --> 00:03:18,345 Now. 86 00:03:18,380 --> 00:03:20,664 - I'm on it. - Right. 87 00:03:20,682 --> 00:03:21,832 I'm just hoping German terrorists 88 00:03:21,850 --> 00:03:23,250 don't take over this Christmas party. 89 00:03:23,285 --> 00:03:25,636 Make me go all John McClane on their asses. 90 00:03:25,670 --> 00:03:28,055 Wait, German terrorists? That's oddly specific. 91 00:03:28,106 --> 00:03:30,524 And I think-- I think you mean John McCain. 92 00:03:30,558 --> 00:03:32,342 Die Hard reference. 93 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:34,778 - I haven't seen it. - You haven't seen Die Hard? 94 00:03:34,813 --> 00:03:36,947 - Mm-mmm. - Why haven't you seen Die Hard? 95 00:03:36,982 --> 00:03:38,983 I don't know, I just haven't. 96 00:03:39,017 --> 00:03:41,351 Come on, you had to have at least seen some of it. 97 00:03:41,369 --> 00:03:42,369 No. 98 00:03:42,404 --> 00:03:45,623 "Now, I have a machine gun. 99 00:03:45,657 --> 00:03:47,574 Ho, ho, ho." 100 00:03:47,626 --> 00:03:49,126 "Come out to the coast, 101 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:51,078 we'll get together, have a few laughs." 102 00:03:51,129 --> 00:03:53,380 None of this makes any sense to me! 103 00:03:53,415 --> 00:03:55,883 Oh, yeah, and when he takes the gun off his back, 104 00:03:55,917 --> 00:03:58,469 and he's like, "yippie-ki-yay, mother--" 105 00:03:58,503 --> 00:04:00,587 Actually, he doesn't say that there. 106 00:04:00,639 --> 00:04:04,925 He says it earlier when he's on the radio with Hans. 107 00:04:04,976 --> 00:04:07,544 Yes, you are right. Forgive me. 108 00:04:07,562 --> 00:04:09,647 - Oh, that's okay, bud. - Nope. 109 00:04:09,681 --> 00:04:11,482 - Common mistake. - No, it's not. 110 00:04:11,516 --> 00:04:13,100 Nerd! 111 00:04:13,151 --> 00:04:15,218 Do you know every line of the movie? 112 00:04:15,236 --> 00:04:16,987 My brother dared me to memorize it, 113 00:04:17,022 --> 00:04:19,823 and I did it, and I loved doing it. 114 00:04:19,858 --> 00:04:21,892 Okay, let's hear it. 115 00:04:21,910 --> 00:04:24,194 - Hear what? - Die Hard. 116 00:04:24,228 --> 00:04:26,563 Every line. Go. 117 00:04:26,581 --> 00:04:27,831 You don't like flying, do you? 118 00:04:27,866 --> 00:04:29,917 Don't change the subject. 119 00:04:29,951 --> 00:04:31,452 No, that's the-- 120 00:04:31,486 --> 00:04:32,870 Movie is starting. 121 00:04:32,904 --> 00:04:34,404 We're thinking of collaborating 122 00:04:34,422 --> 00:04:36,256 with Mike Schmidt on some of his charity work. 123 00:04:36,291 --> 00:04:38,792 I love Philly. Dirty town. 124 00:04:38,843 --> 00:04:41,712 Ah-ha-ha! Philly! 125 00:04:41,746 --> 00:04:45,099 - Exciting stuff, man. - Whoo! 126 00:04:45,133 --> 00:04:47,250 So you sure you remembered everything for your trip? 127 00:04:47,268 --> 00:04:51,221 - Yeah, I think so. - Think that through for a sec. 128 00:04:51,255 --> 00:04:53,057 Yeah, Jim's going to Philly tomorrow. 129 00:04:53,091 --> 00:04:54,308 He said he was gonna take me with him, 130 00:04:54,359 --> 00:04:55,776 but that was two months ago. 131 00:04:55,810 --> 00:04:58,345 And I haven't heard anything since. 132 00:04:58,380 --> 00:05:01,415 I mean, he said that, right? 133 00:05:01,449 --> 00:05:04,118 What else could you possibly be forgetting? 134 00:05:04,152 --> 00:05:06,937 - Uh-- - Things? People? 135 00:05:08,456 --> 00:05:10,324 You know who's not gonna get to work 136 00:05:10,375 --> 00:05:11,942 on some exciting new startup this year? 137 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:14,211 George Howard Skub, 138 00:05:14,245 --> 00:05:17,164 AKA the alleged Scranton strangler, 139 00:05:17,215 --> 00:05:19,166 because he's in prison 140 00:05:19,217 --> 00:05:21,118 for something he may not have done. 141 00:05:21,136 --> 00:05:23,804 I'm sorry, the-- uh, the Scranton who? 142 00:05:23,838 --> 00:05:26,473 The Scranton strangler. George Howard Skub. 143 00:05:26,508 --> 00:05:27,791 Haven't I told you about the jury 144 00:05:27,809 --> 00:05:28,926 I was on a couple years ago? 145 00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:31,228 Oh, what happened? 146 00:05:31,262 --> 00:05:32,730 I mean, if you can talk about it, obviously. 147 00:05:32,764 --> 00:05:33,931 Because if you can't, I mean, I understand. 148 00:05:33,965 --> 00:05:38,068 I-- I could-- I could talk about it. 149 00:05:38,103 --> 00:05:39,302 See you next Christmas. 150 00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:40,604 I could, sure. Have a seat. 151 00:05:40,638 --> 00:05:42,322 I would start at the beginning, 152 00:05:42,357 --> 00:05:46,410 but I think I need to go farther back. 153 00:05:46,444 --> 00:05:48,495 We're the party planning committee, 154 00:05:48,530 --> 00:05:50,197 and we did not get where we are 155 00:05:50,248 --> 00:05:51,665 by playing it safe. 156 00:05:51,699 --> 00:05:53,617 We got here by being risk takers. 157 00:05:53,651 --> 00:05:55,869 And, yeah, 158 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:58,756 Dwight's party is gonna be terrible. 159 00:05:58,790 --> 00:06:01,508 Maybe. 160 00:06:01,543 --> 00:06:04,928 Maybe it's not. 161 00:06:04,963 --> 00:06:06,847 Maybe it's going to be great. 162 00:06:06,881 --> 00:06:12,386 And, if it's great... 163 00:06:12,437 --> 00:06:13,854 I think we all know 164 00:06:13,888 --> 00:06:18,175 what that would mean to us. 165 00:06:18,193 --> 00:06:20,027 Let's do it. 166 00:06:20,061 --> 00:06:21,862 Yes. Phyllis! 167 00:06:21,896 --> 00:06:23,197 No. 168 00:06:23,231 --> 00:06:25,032 I don't want my name attached to this party. 169 00:06:25,066 --> 00:06:26,033 What does that even mean? 170 00:06:26,067 --> 00:06:27,184 Where would your name appear? 171 00:06:27,202 --> 00:06:28,202 Please just take my name 172 00:06:28,236 --> 00:06:29,319 off of everything. 173 00:06:29,353 --> 00:06:32,489 Just take her name off of everything. 174 00:06:34,125 --> 00:06:36,660 The party planning committee, minus Angela, 175 00:06:36,694 --> 00:06:42,249 has decided that we're all going to do Dwight's Christmas. 176 00:06:42,300 --> 00:06:43,750 Yes! Yeah! 177 00:06:43,802 --> 00:06:45,803 Yeah! Okay! 178 00:06:45,837 --> 00:06:48,255 Yes! It's a Christmas miracle! 179 00:06:48,306 --> 00:06:49,723 Yeah! 180 00:06:49,757 --> 00:06:52,092 - Whoo-hoo! - Dwight, there is one rule 181 00:06:52,143 --> 00:06:53,927 that you need to take very seriously. 182 00:06:53,978 --> 00:06:55,846 - Uh-huh. - And that is... 183 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:56,980 Uh-oh. 184 00:06:57,015 --> 00:06:58,398 That there are no rules. 185 00:06:58,433 --> 00:07:02,219 You have never been cooler. 186 00:07:02,237 --> 00:07:04,104 Best Christmas ever. 187 00:07:04,155 --> 00:07:07,407 - You're welcome. - Thank you. 188 00:07:12,843 --> 00:07:17,230 And Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas has officially begun. 189 00:07:17,282 --> 00:07:19,866 Ugh. What is this stuff, lava? 190 00:07:19,901 --> 00:07:22,852 That is gluhwein, otherwise known as glow-wine, 191 00:07:22,870 --> 00:07:24,821 also used to sterilize medical instruments. 192 00:07:24,855 --> 00:07:27,791 And, interesting factoid, 193 00:07:27,825 --> 00:07:30,377 this is the very spoon that guided my soft skull 194 00:07:30,411 --> 00:07:32,746 through the birth canal when I was born. 195 00:07:32,797 --> 00:07:34,698 - Enjoy. - What is it? 196 00:07:34,716 --> 00:07:36,833 Don't touch it. 197 00:07:36,867 --> 00:07:39,720 - Somebody's found the hog maw. - Oh! 198 00:07:39,754 --> 00:07:40,804 What? 199 00:07:40,838 --> 00:07:42,205 It's a Pennsylvania Dutch specialty. 200 00:07:42,223 --> 00:07:44,007 Hog maw. That's a beauty, isn't it? 201 00:07:44,041 --> 00:07:45,842 I don't even want to tell you what it's made of 202 00:07:45,876 --> 00:07:47,377 until after you try it. 203 00:07:47,395 --> 00:07:49,479 Ugh. I'm not eating mystery meat. 204 00:07:49,514 --> 00:07:51,098 It is stuffed pig stomach. 205 00:07:51,149 --> 00:07:53,567 And, after we finish it, we get to break the pig rib. 206 00:07:53,601 --> 00:07:54,935 - Can't wait. - Weird. 207 00:07:54,986 --> 00:07:56,553 Where are the sugar cookies? 208 00:07:56,571 --> 00:07:58,238 Where's the karaoke machine? 209 00:07:58,272 --> 00:08:00,056 This is austere, Meredith. 210 00:08:00,074 --> 00:08:04,077 This is celebrating Christmas for all of the right reasons. 211 00:08:04,112 --> 00:08:07,748 The cookies and toys and sweets are mere distractions. 212 00:08:07,782 --> 00:08:09,899 I mean, most people don't even know 213 00:08:09,917 --> 00:08:12,285 that a candy cane represents a shepherd's crook, 214 00:08:12,337 --> 00:08:14,755 which I assure you does not taste like peppermint. 215 00:08:14,789 --> 00:08:16,239 It tastes like sheep feces. 216 00:08:16,257 --> 00:08:17,624 How would anyone even know-- 217 00:08:17,675 --> 00:08:19,075 Have you ever tasted a shepherd's crook? 218 00:08:19,093 --> 00:08:20,844 I don't know. Is it what you expected? 219 00:08:20,878 --> 00:08:24,297 I feel like-- Dwight is holding a candle 220 00:08:24,349 --> 00:08:26,767 and reading a poem. 221 00:08:26,801 --> 00:08:30,520 So happy right now. 222 00:08:34,776 --> 00:08:36,309 Wait, what is that I hear? 223 00:08:36,361 --> 00:08:37,761 Is someone on the roof? 224 00:08:37,779 --> 00:08:39,646 How strange. 225 00:08:39,697 --> 00:08:42,566 Excuse me. I have to run to my car 226 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:45,101 to take a dump. 227 00:08:46,771 --> 00:08:49,439 I wish my car had a bathroom. 228 00:08:49,457 --> 00:08:50,774 "Let Heinrich plant the detonators 229 00:08:50,792 --> 00:08:52,042 and Theo prepare the vault. 230 00:08:52,076 --> 00:08:54,494 - After that--" - Eh. That wasn't the line. 231 00:08:54,545 --> 00:08:56,329 I'm sorry, Pete. 232 00:08:56,381 --> 00:08:58,015 That is transcribed by some fan. 233 00:08:58,049 --> 00:08:59,516 They make mistakes. 234 00:08:59,550 --> 00:09:02,185 I don't know. This looks pretty legit. 235 00:09:03,604 --> 00:09:06,556 Oh, my gosh. I just got an email from Andy. 236 00:09:06,574 --> 00:09:08,492 That means they hit land. 237 00:09:08,526 --> 00:09:10,861 "What up, shorty? We got in last night, 238 00:09:10,895 --> 00:09:14,164 sold the boat, went out, got drunk, 239 00:09:14,198 --> 00:09:17,250 saw Life of Pi, got super depressed 240 00:09:17,285 --> 00:09:19,703 and introspective. 241 00:09:19,737 --> 00:09:21,938 Gonna hang out here a while. 242 00:09:21,973 --> 00:09:23,724 Maybe a couple of weeks. 243 00:09:23,758 --> 00:09:26,943 Figure this whole life thing out. 244 00:09:26,961 --> 00:09:30,330 Maybe see Hobbit. Lates." 245 00:09:32,783 --> 00:09:34,751 Hey. Everything okay? 246 00:09:34,785 --> 00:09:37,120 So what comes next? 247 00:09:37,138 --> 00:09:40,841 Right, um, okay. 248 00:09:40,892 --> 00:09:43,643 So he says, "after we call the police, 249 00:09:43,678 --> 00:09:45,679 they'll waste hours trying to negotiate--" 250 00:09:45,730 --> 00:09:47,347 We should just watch the movie. 251 00:09:47,398 --> 00:09:48,465 That makes much more sense. 252 00:09:48,483 --> 00:09:50,684 Or we can just sit and talk, though. 253 00:09:50,735 --> 00:09:51,768 No. No more talking. 254 00:09:51,802 --> 00:09:52,819 It's movie time. 255 00:09:52,854 --> 00:09:56,490 I mean, are you sure... 256 00:09:56,524 --> 00:09:59,309 Yeah, I probably have a copy or two in my car. 257 00:09:59,327 --> 00:10:00,777 Oh, great. Great! 258 00:10:00,811 --> 00:10:02,412 So we're watching Die Hard, now. 259 00:10:02,447 --> 00:10:04,281 Good! This is a good plan. 260 00:10:04,315 --> 00:10:05,949 Okay. 261 00:10:05,983 --> 00:10:08,118 Here's the thing about moonlight. 262 00:10:08,152 --> 00:10:09,986 It's not sunlight. 263 00:10:10,004 --> 00:10:12,655 I love this hog mama. 264 00:10:12,673 --> 00:10:14,207 Dwight said it's "hog maw." 265 00:10:15,460 --> 00:10:16,843 What is maw? 266 00:10:16,878 --> 00:10:19,012 It's the lining of the stomach of-- 267 00:10:19,046 --> 00:10:20,097 Ohh... 268 00:10:20,131 --> 00:10:21,882 Judgment is nigh, 269 00:10:21,933 --> 00:10:24,301 for the Belsnickel ist I! 270 00:10:24,335 --> 00:10:26,353 Yes, he is finally nigh. 271 00:10:26,387 --> 00:10:28,355 I am nigh! 272 00:10:28,389 --> 00:10:30,840 Every year, my grandfather would dress up as Belsnickel 273 00:10:30,858 --> 00:10:31,858 at Christmas. 274 00:10:31,893 --> 00:10:35,362 He was... okay at it. 275 00:10:35,396 --> 00:10:37,481 I am great. 276 00:10:37,515 --> 00:10:39,349 You know how they say some people were born to be bad? 277 00:10:39,367 --> 00:10:42,903 Well, I was born to be Belsnickel. 278 00:10:42,954 --> 00:10:44,905 Ohh, Belsnickel 279 00:10:44,956 --> 00:10:47,157 has traveled from distant lands 280 00:10:47,191 --> 00:10:49,359 to discover how all the boys and the girls 281 00:10:49,377 --> 00:10:51,378 have been behaving this last year. 282 00:10:51,412 --> 00:10:54,664 Whoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! Ohh... too much strudel. 283 00:10:54,698 --> 00:10:57,751 So he's kind of like Santa, except dirty and worse. 284 00:10:57,802 --> 00:10:59,702 No, much better-- no one fears Santa 285 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:01,555 the way they fear Belsnickel. 286 00:11:01,589 --> 00:11:03,256 Wow. It's my favorite part of Christmas. 287 00:11:03,307 --> 00:11:04,307 The authority. 288 00:11:04,342 --> 00:11:06,259 - And the fear. - Yes, exactly! 289 00:11:06,310 --> 00:11:08,178 Come on, Dwight, you're making this up. 290 00:11:08,212 --> 00:11:10,263 - No... - This is a real thing. 291 00:11:10,314 --> 00:11:12,766 "Belsnickel is a crotchety, fur-clad gift giver 292 00:11:12,817 --> 00:11:15,101 related to other companions of St. Nicholas 293 00:11:15,153 --> 00:11:17,220 in the folklore of Southwestern Germany." 294 00:11:17,238 --> 00:11:18,522 - Ah. - Wow. 295 00:11:18,556 --> 00:11:20,023 Okay, great. Seriously, you guys? 296 00:11:20,057 --> 00:11:21,691 Now you believe in Dwight's traditions, 297 00:11:21,725 --> 00:11:23,743 when some Democrat looks it up on Wikipedia? 298 00:11:23,778 --> 00:11:28,715 "His partner, Zwarte Piet, or Black Peter, a slave boy, 299 00:11:28,749 --> 00:11:32,502 often portrayed in colorful pantaloons and blackface." 300 00:11:32,536 --> 00:11:35,255 Uh-uh. No, Dwight. No. 301 00:11:35,306 --> 00:11:36,723 Oh, come on. 302 00:11:36,757 --> 00:11:39,209 We don't blindly stick to every outmoded aspect 303 00:11:39,227 --> 00:11:40,477 of our traditions. 304 00:11:40,511 --> 00:11:43,430 Come on, get with the spirit of it, you guys. 305 00:11:59,397 --> 00:12:00,730 Okay, Karl was actually 306 00:12:00,748 --> 00:12:02,749 a ballet dancer in real life. 307 00:12:02,783 --> 00:12:05,202 - Isn't that crazy? - Mm. 308 00:12:07,755 --> 00:12:10,123 Jim, that guy. 309 00:12:11,342 --> 00:12:13,126 You gotta stick to your word! 310 00:12:13,177 --> 00:12:15,378 Like when you say something to a buddy, 311 00:12:15,412 --> 00:12:17,881 a real buddy... 312 00:12:17,915 --> 00:12:19,599 what are you gonna do, lie? 313 00:12:19,634 --> 00:12:20,717 To your buddy? 314 00:12:20,751 --> 00:12:22,919 It's awful. 315 00:12:22,937 --> 00:12:24,971 Take a bowl and pass it down. 316 00:12:25,022 --> 00:12:26,640 Thank you, Dwight. These are nice. 317 00:12:26,691 --> 00:12:27,807 No, these are gift bowls. 318 00:12:27,858 --> 00:12:29,943 When you receive a gift, it will go in the bowl, 319 00:12:29,977 --> 00:12:31,261 but the bowls must be returned at the end. 320 00:12:31,279 --> 00:12:32,312 They're a set. 321 00:12:32,363 --> 00:12:35,398 Now, hold your bowls forward. 322 00:12:35,432 --> 00:12:39,069 The Belsnickel will decide if you are impish 323 00:12:39,103 --> 00:12:40,620 or admirable. 324 00:12:40,655 --> 00:12:42,455 Oh, it's like naughty or nice. 325 00:12:42,490 --> 00:12:44,624 No, impish or admirable. 326 00:12:44,659 --> 00:12:45,942 Quick question-- do you just decide 327 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:47,944 who gets what in the moment, or did you make a list? 328 00:12:47,962 --> 00:12:50,446 - I decided earlier. - Oh. Nice. 329 00:12:50,464 --> 00:12:52,615 - Did you check that list? - Of course I checked it. 330 00:12:52,633 --> 00:12:54,134 But more than once? 'Cause you could have made a mistake. 331 00:12:54,168 --> 00:12:55,919 - I checked it more than once. - Okay, so you made a list, 332 00:12:55,953 --> 00:12:58,454 you checked it twice, and now you're gonna find out who's-- 333 00:12:58,472 --> 00:12:59,723 Impish or admirable. 334 00:12:59,757 --> 00:13:00,724 Damn. 335 00:13:00,758 --> 00:13:03,093 Phyllis Vance! Cheer or fear? 336 00:13:03,127 --> 00:13:04,294 Belsnickel is here. 337 00:13:04,312 --> 00:13:07,981 I judge your year as... 338 00:13:08,015 --> 00:13:10,984 admirable. 339 00:13:11,018 --> 00:13:12,519 There you are. 340 00:13:12,570 --> 00:13:13,937 Oh. What are these? 341 00:13:13,971 --> 00:13:16,139 It's a set of rubber gaskets for canning jars. 342 00:13:16,157 --> 00:13:18,942 - I'd rather have the bowl. - You can't have the bowl! 343 00:13:18,976 --> 00:13:20,694 Oscar Martinez, 344 00:13:20,745 --> 00:13:22,829 cheer or fear? 345 00:13:22,863 --> 00:13:24,197 Belsnickel is here. 346 00:13:24,248 --> 00:13:27,834 I judge your year... 347 00:13:27,868 --> 00:13:29,035 as impish! 348 00:13:29,086 --> 00:13:31,871 Ow! You hit people with that thing? 349 00:13:31,922 --> 00:13:32,989 No, I'm carrying around the stick 350 00:13:33,007 --> 00:13:34,457 in order to look cool. 351 00:13:34,491 --> 00:13:35,625 For the kinder. 352 00:13:35,659 --> 00:13:36,876 Ooh. 353 00:13:36,927 --> 00:13:37,877 Mouse trap. 354 00:13:37,928 --> 00:13:39,296 In a head-to-head contest, 355 00:13:39,330 --> 00:13:42,215 people prefer Belsnickel over Santa every time. 356 00:13:42,266 --> 00:13:43,516 There aren't as many songs about him, 357 00:13:43,551 --> 00:13:46,303 but I attribute that more to rhyming difficulties. 358 00:13:46,337 --> 00:13:47,971 My brother and I wrote one once. 359 00:13:48,005 --> 00:13:49,806 It was about a fickle pickle salesman 360 00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:51,507 who would tickle you for a nickel. 361 00:13:53,444 --> 00:13:54,811 Oh, you know what? 362 00:13:54,845 --> 00:13:56,646 - I gotta go. - Stop giggling. 363 00:13:56,680 --> 00:13:58,181 Oh, really? Already? 364 00:13:58,199 --> 00:13:59,316 - Yeah, it's all right. - It's a punishment. 365 00:13:59,350 --> 00:14:00,317 Hey, where are you going? 366 00:14:00,351 --> 00:14:02,018 I have to go to Philly. 367 00:14:02,036 --> 00:14:03,403 But this was amazing. 368 00:14:03,454 --> 00:14:04,988 - Okay? - But you work tomorrow. 369 00:14:05,022 --> 00:14:06,072 Yeah, I know, I'd just like to settle in 370 00:14:06,123 --> 00:14:07,190 and get a good night's sleep. 371 00:14:07,208 --> 00:14:08,825 But we were gonna break the pig rib. 372 00:14:08,859 --> 00:14:10,327 - Ohh. - Remember? 373 00:14:10,361 --> 00:14:12,746 That's right. 374 00:14:12,797 --> 00:14:14,998 No matter! Belsnickel cares not 375 00:14:15,032 --> 00:14:17,334 about this-- off with you! 376 00:14:17,368 --> 00:14:19,052 Perfect. Merry Christmas, everybody. 377 00:14:19,086 --> 00:14:20,553 Wait, wait, wait, wait! 378 00:14:20,588 --> 00:14:22,205 Don't you want to know your present? 379 00:14:22,223 --> 00:14:24,174 You know what? Yeah. Have at it. 380 00:14:24,208 --> 00:14:27,093 Jim Halpert, cheer or fear? 381 00:14:27,144 --> 00:14:29,062 Belsnickel is here. 382 00:14:29,096 --> 00:14:31,214 I judge your year as impish. 383 00:14:31,232 --> 00:14:33,016 Ohh! Are you nuts? 384 00:14:33,050 --> 00:14:34,217 - I judge you impish! - Ow! Ow! 385 00:14:34,235 --> 00:14:35,402 Okay, that is three, 386 00:14:35,436 --> 00:14:36,886 and you didn't hit anybody that hard. 387 00:14:36,904 --> 00:14:38,104 They're not abandoning the party. 388 00:14:38,155 --> 00:14:39,522 Just-- just-- hey! 389 00:14:39,556 --> 00:14:41,224 That's enough, I'm done! 390 00:14:41,242 --> 00:14:42,859 - Okay? Agh! - Impish! 391 00:14:42,893 --> 00:14:44,944 Aah! Ow! 392 00:14:44,995 --> 00:14:48,081 Belsnickel, I gotta run out early too. 393 00:14:50,618 --> 00:14:53,586 Oh... what was that? 394 00:14:53,621 --> 00:14:57,407 Now I'm gonna be all whipped for my first day at work. 395 00:14:57,425 --> 00:15:00,760 God. 396 00:15:00,795 --> 00:15:02,712 One second. 397 00:15:02,746 --> 00:15:04,597 - Oh... - Well... 398 00:15:04,632 --> 00:15:06,633 this is it. 399 00:15:06,684 --> 00:15:08,751 I'm probably never gonna see you again. 400 00:15:08,769 --> 00:15:11,254 Shut up. I'm trying to be serious. 401 00:15:11,272 --> 00:15:14,641 Okay, sorry, sorry. 402 00:15:14,692 --> 00:15:16,976 I can't believe this is actually happening. 403 00:15:17,027 --> 00:15:18,778 Listen, thank you so much 404 00:15:18,813 --> 00:15:20,480 for putting that all together. 405 00:15:20,531 --> 00:15:23,266 That was the perfect last Christmas party. 406 00:15:26,153 --> 00:15:27,821 All right, wish me luck? 407 00:15:27,872 --> 00:15:29,956 Okay. 408 00:15:29,990 --> 00:15:31,791 Good luck. You're gonna be great. 409 00:15:31,826 --> 00:15:32,942 I'll call you when I get in. 410 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:34,828 - Okay. - All right. 411 00:15:34,879 --> 00:15:36,830 - Love you. - Love you. 412 00:16:06,810 --> 00:16:08,611 - What's going on? - Party's over. 413 00:16:08,645 --> 00:16:12,815 You quit on Christmas, Christmas quits on you. 414 00:16:12,833 --> 00:16:14,918 And guess what, kids. 415 00:16:14,952 --> 00:16:18,838 Belsnickel isn't real. It's me, Dwight! 416 00:16:22,908 --> 00:16:25,508 We found some old decorations on the warehouse. 417 00:16:25,509 --> 00:16:28,127 Oscar ran to the store for some food and drink, 418 00:16:28,178 --> 00:16:30,212 and I dipped into my stash of eggnog. 419 00:16:30,246 --> 00:16:32,014 I guess they needed me after all. 420 00:16:32,049 --> 00:16:33,916 It's like in It's a Wonderful Life 421 00:16:33,934 --> 00:16:36,152 when Jimmy Stewart realizes that all those people 422 00:16:36,186 --> 00:16:38,204 at the building and loan were just jerks, 423 00:16:38,238 --> 00:16:39,972 and he was the real hero. 424 00:16:40,007 --> 00:16:43,609 Kevin. Kevin! Aaah. Stop it! 425 00:16:43,643 --> 00:16:46,028 Oh, it sounds like the party's 426 00:16:46,063 --> 00:16:48,114 - starting up out there. - Yeah. 427 00:16:48,148 --> 00:16:52,418 So anyway, the entire jury wants me to vote guilty. 428 00:16:52,452 --> 00:16:54,653 But then I did a little research of my own, 429 00:16:54,705 --> 00:16:56,789 and forget everything you thought you knew 430 00:16:56,823 --> 00:16:58,240 about fingerprinting. 431 00:16:58,274 --> 00:17:00,409 Meredith's a little cute. 432 00:17:00,443 --> 00:17:03,129 I'm just realizing. 433 00:17:03,163 --> 00:17:05,464 She got, like, a Emma Stone thing. 434 00:17:10,170 --> 00:17:13,556 Boo! 435 00:17:25,969 --> 00:17:28,938 For what it's worth, I liked your party better. 436 00:17:28,972 --> 00:17:30,472 Everyone thought the food was gross, 437 00:17:30,490 --> 00:17:33,642 and that Belsnickel was some darkly erotic freak. 438 00:17:33,660 --> 00:17:36,829 I don't think anyone thought that. 439 00:17:36,863 --> 00:17:39,698 Jim couldn't even stay till the end of the party. 440 00:17:39,750 --> 00:17:41,784 Well, that didn't have anything to do with you. 441 00:17:41,818 --> 00:17:44,003 I don't care. Guess how much I care 442 00:17:44,037 --> 00:17:45,704 - on a scale of one to ten. - Zero. 443 00:17:45,756 --> 00:17:47,506 Damn it! 444 00:17:55,665 --> 00:17:59,785 I'm gonna tell Jim to go fuck himself. 445 00:18:02,773 --> 00:18:06,225 Do you think Andy would ever jump off an exploding building 446 00:18:06,276 --> 00:18:09,511 tied to a hose for me? 447 00:18:09,529 --> 00:18:13,482 Yeah. Definitely. 448 00:18:19,573 --> 00:18:21,290 Hey, what's-- 449 00:18:21,324 --> 00:18:23,859 oh, no, come here. Hey, hey. 450 00:18:23,877 --> 00:18:27,129 Come on, huh? 451 00:18:31,501 --> 00:18:33,335 I'm still Andy's girlfriend. 452 00:18:33,369 --> 00:18:36,338 Oh, yeah, of course. I know. 453 00:18:36,372 --> 00:18:39,175 But you can leave your arm. 454 00:18:50,386 --> 00:18:51,854 Dwight, want me to get you some eggnog? 455 00:18:51,888 --> 00:18:54,573 No, thanks. I'll just have another Dumatril. 456 00:18:54,608 --> 00:18:57,243 Jim taught me this really cool way to take it. 457 00:18:57,277 --> 00:19:00,062 You crush it into a powder, and you snort it up your butt. 458 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:01,530 Yep, I did say that. 459 00:19:01,564 --> 00:19:03,582 - Jim! - What's going on? 460 00:19:03,617 --> 00:19:04,834 Where's the Belsnickel? 461 00:19:04,868 --> 00:19:05,901 Oh-- 462 00:19:05,919 --> 00:19:09,288 oh, my God! 463 00:19:09,339 --> 00:19:11,573 What are you doing? 464 00:19:11,591 --> 00:19:13,459 Last time I saw you, you were whipping me out of the building. 465 00:19:13,510 --> 00:19:15,577 Shh. Let's not speak of that. 466 00:19:15,595 --> 00:19:17,263 The pig rib. 467 00:19:17,297 --> 00:19:19,081 We could totally break the pig rib! 468 00:19:19,099 --> 00:19:22,101 I'm gonna dig it out of the trash. 469 00:19:22,135 --> 00:19:24,920 What happened? Did you miss your bus? 470 00:19:24,938 --> 00:19:27,556 No. I just missed my wife. 471 00:19:29,359 --> 00:19:30,476 I found it! 472 00:19:30,527 --> 00:19:32,144 And I found out 473 00:19:32,195 --> 00:19:33,612 that there's a bus at 5:00 AM. 474 00:19:43,623 --> 00:19:44,623 Oh! 475 00:19:47,711 --> 00:19:49,795 Damn it! 476 00:19:49,829 --> 00:19:53,249 Jim got the bigger half. 477 00:19:53,283 --> 00:19:54,616 Back for more, huh? 478 00:19:54,634 --> 00:19:58,287 Ooh, nog it. Let me get some nog. 479 00:20:01,541 --> 00:20:04,260 Thanks, Phyllis. Where's Andy? 480 00:20:04,294 --> 00:20:07,429 - You! - Oh, hey, man. 481 00:20:07,463 --> 00:20:08,847 Oh, you know what? Before I forget again, 482 00:20:08,899 --> 00:20:10,799 I talked to the guys about hiring you. 483 00:20:10,817 --> 00:20:14,937 They're gonna bring you in for an interview. 484 00:20:19,776 --> 00:20:20,993 That's great. 485 00:20:21,027 --> 00:20:22,444 Right? 486 00:20:22,478 --> 00:20:25,614 - Thanks, man. - Hey, of course. 487 00:20:25,648 --> 00:20:28,450 I shall come by at your convenience. 488 00:20:28,484 --> 00:20:29,952 Thank you, sir. 489 00:20:29,986 --> 00:20:31,987 - Whoo! - Go get 'em. 490 00:20:32,005 --> 00:20:34,156 Oh! Whoa! 491 00:20:39,129 --> 00:20:40,996 Very impish. 492 00:20:50,495 --> 00:20:55,900 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 493 00:20:56,333 --> 00:20:58,955 Two dimes, seven nickels-- well, okay, 494 00:20:58,973 --> 00:21:00,057 no, that doesn't add up. 495 00:21:00,091 --> 00:21:03,727 - It was one quarter and-- - Shh. 496 00:21:03,762 --> 00:21:04,762 What? I was just explaining-- 497 00:21:04,796 --> 00:21:06,764 Shh. 498 00:21:06,798 --> 00:21:08,065 - Why wouldn't it-- - Shh. 499 00:21:08,099 --> 00:21:13,970 - But why? - No... more... talking. 500 00:21:13,988 --> 00:21:16,356 Are you gonna kiss me? 501 00:21:16,408 --> 00:21:21,144 Yes.