1 00:00:01,634 --> 00:00:03,535 No. You lied to me, Andy! 2 00:00:03,588 --> 00:00:06,355 You pretended to be in this office for three months, and you were 3 00:00:06,378 --> 00:00:09,311 sailing on your boat! - I resent that. 4 00:00:09,357 --> 00:00:11,508 I never lied to you. 5 00:00:11,631 --> 00:00:14,701 Really? "Hey, David, all is good 6 00:00:14,726 --> 00:00:16,356 in Scranton, P.A." 7 00:00:16,384 --> 00:00:18,538 And all was good in Scranton, P.A., that day. 8 00:00:18,551 --> 00:00:20,425 "By the way, Oscar says hi." 9 00:00:20,468 --> 00:00:23,148 Oscar says hi all the time. 10 00:00:23,239 --> 00:00:24,745 He says all kinds of greetings-- 11 00:00:24,770 --> 00:00:26,554 hi, hello, hola. 12 00:00:27,131 --> 00:00:29,050 You're telling me you've never heard Oscar say hi? 13 00:00:29,074 --> 00:00:30,874 - Andy-- - You're calling me a liar? 14 00:00:30,892 --> 00:00:32,326 - Andy-- - By the way, that reminds me. 15 00:00:32,348 --> 00:00:33,908 I want to ask you about some of the lies 16 00:00:33,931 --> 00:00:35,580 you've been telling me lately. - Watch it, Andy. 17 00:00:35,613 --> 00:00:38,086 Oh, here we go. January 7, 2013. 18 00:00:38,143 --> 00:00:39,772 "Hey, Andy, all's well. 19 00:00:39,797 --> 00:00:41,733 Been meaning to make it down there, but my wife's sick." 20 00:00:41,769 --> 00:00:43,257 Well, which is it? 21 00:00:43,303 --> 00:00:45,035 Is all well, or is your wife sick? 22 00:00:45,068 --> 00:00:47,218 - Busted! - My wife? 23 00:00:48,865 --> 00:00:50,697 This has been a really tough time. 24 00:00:50,716 --> 00:00:51,591 - Yeah? - Yeah. 25 00:00:51,609 --> 00:00:53,310 - Has it? - Erin just dumped me, 26 00:00:53,336 --> 00:00:54,519 and I can't remember 27 00:00:54,537 --> 00:00:56,868 any of the "aha" moments I had on the boat, 28 00:00:56,930 --> 00:00:58,413 and I know it sounds weird to say, 29 00:00:58,430 --> 00:01:00,961 but I really miss my beard. - Shh. 30 00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:03,603 - It was like a security blanket. - Andy... 31 00:01:06,626 --> 00:01:08,544 I'm not gonna fire you. 32 00:01:10,467 --> 00:01:11,735 You're not? 33 00:01:11,837 --> 00:01:13,470 - No. - That's awesome. 34 00:01:13,506 --> 00:01:15,340 I wouldn't own the company if it wasn't for you. 35 00:01:15,512 --> 00:01:18,481 So I owe you that. 36 00:01:18,865 --> 00:01:21,321 David, I'll be there for you. 37 00:01:22,014 --> 00:01:24,018 These five words I swear to you. 38 00:01:24,036 --> 00:01:26,745 When you breathe, I want to be the air for you. 39 00:01:26,808 --> 00:01:28,713 I'll be there for you. 40 00:01:28,820 --> 00:01:30,821 That's a poem by J.B. Jovi. 41 00:01:31,270 --> 00:01:32,489 I want you to have it. 42 00:01:32,540 --> 00:01:34,592 We are even now. 43 00:01:34,641 --> 00:01:35,858 Understand? 44 00:01:36,611 --> 00:01:37,799 - Got it? - Crystal. 45 00:01:37,818 --> 00:01:40,474 And you are on very-- hey. 46 00:01:40,746 --> 00:01:42,015 Very thin ice. 47 00:01:42,386 --> 00:01:44,487 Vanilla. 48 00:01:47,590 --> 00:01:49,971 Vanilla Ice. He was a band. 49 00:02:14,097 --> 00:02:18,097 The Office S09E16 Moving On 50 00:02:18,926 --> 00:02:22,926 Sync and corrections by Norther www.addic7ed.com 51 00:02:26,573 --> 00:02:28,480 - Good morning. - Good morning. 52 00:02:28,513 --> 00:02:31,227 And how are you on this fine d... 53 00:02:53,211 --> 00:02:55,031 Okay. Ahem. 54 00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:56,607 We ready? 55 00:02:56,747 --> 00:02:58,766 Don't use that part. 56 00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:02,649 Last week, Erin told me that our relationship 57 00:03:02,679 --> 00:03:06,449 will be proceeding without me. Ahem. 58 00:03:06,890 --> 00:03:09,228 Now I have to see her every day at work, 59 00:03:09,246 --> 00:03:12,521 which is brutal. 60 00:03:13,892 --> 00:03:16,023 When people say office relationships are a good idea, 61 00:03:16,048 --> 00:03:19,200 they never talk about what might happen if you break up. 62 00:03:27,495 --> 00:03:29,677 He sounds like a wounded animal. 63 00:03:29,752 --> 00:03:32,641 Should have put him out of his misery and just fired him. 64 00:03:32,699 --> 00:03:35,743 I can't be around sad people. It makes me sad. 65 00:03:35,802 --> 00:03:37,846 I'm the same way with horny people. 66 00:03:37,916 --> 00:03:39,800 Okay. 67 00:03:43,228 --> 00:03:46,241 Yes, Pete and I have started seeing each other, 68 00:03:46,257 --> 00:03:48,074 and Andy still doesn't know. 69 00:03:48,123 --> 00:03:49,792 We thought that keeping it secret 70 00:03:49,811 --> 00:03:52,763 was more considerate to him. 71 00:03:54,043 --> 00:03:56,360 And hot for us. 72 00:03:56,666 --> 00:03:58,841 I mean, I saw Pete's butt. 73 00:03:59,250 --> 00:04:00,600 It's sick. 74 00:04:04,965 --> 00:04:06,632 Oh, that's mine. 75 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:08,478 I'll just-- I'll get it out of the way for you. 76 00:04:08,506 --> 00:04:11,072 Jim set up a job interview for me today in Philly. 77 00:04:11,148 --> 00:04:13,293 It's with a real estate company, 78 00:04:13,343 --> 00:04:15,331 which is a great fit for me, 79 00:04:15,370 --> 00:04:18,116 because I live in a house 80 00:04:18,140 --> 00:04:20,559 and I know what a bathroom is. 81 00:04:20,762 --> 00:04:23,337 I'm sorry. I am just very nervous, 82 00:04:23,378 --> 00:04:27,397 because, honestly, this is all moving a lot faster 83 00:04:27,432 --> 00:04:29,952 than I expected, and-- and because 84 00:04:29,971 --> 00:04:32,754 my resume can fit on a post-it note. 85 00:04:34,241 --> 00:04:35,830 No, don't just let her eat the grass. 86 00:04:35,857 --> 00:04:37,206 She'll puke it right up. 87 00:04:37,543 --> 00:04:39,105 Okay, just put out two bowls 88 00:04:39,143 --> 00:04:41,578 and see which feed she prefers. 89 00:04:41,867 --> 00:04:43,198 I'm sorry to be taking up 90 00:04:43,229 --> 00:04:44,848 so much of your precious time, Mose, 91 00:04:44,878 --> 00:04:46,829 but she's your aunt too. 92 00:04:47,164 --> 00:04:49,155 Fine. I'll see what I can do. 93 00:04:54,898 --> 00:04:57,189 - I need you. - Dah! Dwight. 94 00:04:57,231 --> 00:04:59,747 And you should take breaks more often. I've been waiting there for 45 minutes. 95 00:04:59,784 --> 00:05:01,702 - What? What is it? 96 00:05:01,755 --> 00:05:03,050 It's my aunt Shirley. 97 00:05:03,075 --> 00:05:04,942 She's on her last legs. 98 00:05:05,438 --> 00:05:07,523 - Dwight, that's awful. - You have no idea. 99 00:05:07,538 --> 00:05:11,105 I mean, her hair, her clothes, it's all falling off 100 00:05:11,129 --> 00:05:13,204 in great, big clumps. 101 00:05:13,302 --> 00:05:15,753 And we need someone to go out there and clean her up. 102 00:05:15,783 --> 00:05:17,074 We had a nurse, but she quit, 103 00:05:17,099 --> 00:05:20,316 because she was "poisoned" by aunt Shirley. 104 00:05:20,388 --> 00:05:22,176 What do you mean by poisoned? 105 00:05:22,202 --> 00:05:23,452 Probably nothing. 106 00:05:23,466 --> 00:05:24,927 Or strychnine. 107 00:05:25,007 --> 00:05:28,091 Or lemonade and strychnine, which is actually what it was. 108 00:05:28,122 --> 00:05:30,110 Okay, well, I'm very sorry about your aunt. 109 00:05:30,141 --> 00:05:33,047 - Thank you. - But I don't see how this is my problem. 110 00:05:33,187 --> 00:05:35,917 Angela, you owe me one. Remember? 111 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:37,464 Now, please. 112 00:05:37,535 --> 00:05:39,036 She's an old woman, Angela. 113 00:05:39,070 --> 00:05:40,579 She needs a woman's touch. 114 00:05:40,591 --> 00:05:42,307 - It's all hanging out... - Ugh. 115 00:05:42,333 --> 00:05:44,604 And there's parts of her I don't even recognize. 116 00:05:44,630 --> 00:05:47,299 There's this one hanging part in particular 117 00:05:47,534 --> 00:05:50,642 that's some sort of flap. - It's fine. 118 00:05:50,666 --> 00:05:52,690 It's like a prehensile wing or something. 119 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,754 - I don't know. - Oh, God. All right. 120 00:05:54,816 --> 00:05:56,171 I can't-- okay. 121 00:05:56,196 --> 00:05:59,021 - I'll help you. - There's a divot where it was, 122 00:05:59,041 --> 00:06:01,042 and it needs-- it needs... 123 00:06:04,683 --> 00:06:06,083 Where are you going? 124 00:06:06,330 --> 00:06:09,128 Uh. Not on a three-month boat trip. 125 00:06:09,237 --> 00:06:11,984 - Oh, burn. Ha. 126 00:06:12,295 --> 00:06:15,071 Excuse me, everyone can just leave whenever they want now? 127 00:06:15,101 --> 00:06:17,077 How dare you? 128 00:06:17,838 --> 00:06:19,890 I'm still the boss. 129 00:06:37,922 --> 00:06:40,428 - The answer is yes. - I have some messages for you. 130 00:06:40,899 --> 00:06:42,062 Are they from you? 131 00:06:42,103 --> 00:06:43,460 Well, no, they're from clients. 132 00:06:43,502 --> 00:06:45,599 Well, then I don't want them. 133 00:06:45,752 --> 00:06:46,831 You can keep 'em. 134 00:06:46,896 --> 00:06:51,116 In fact you can keep that big, blue nautica sweater. 135 00:06:51,146 --> 00:06:52,654 - I know how much you love it. - I can't. 136 00:06:52,696 --> 00:06:55,662 No, I insist upon it. It's an awesome sweater. 137 00:06:55,712 --> 00:06:57,508 Some great memories tied up in that thing. 138 00:06:57,539 --> 00:06:58,539 These are messages 139 00:06:58,576 --> 00:07:00,305 from clients who want to buy paper. 140 00:07:00,336 --> 00:07:01,999 I don't want to talk about work right now. 141 00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:04,157 Well, I only want to talk about work right now. 142 00:07:04,185 --> 00:07:06,005 Then I want my big blue sweater back. 143 00:07:06,031 --> 00:07:08,916 Well, I gave it to the salvation army. 144 00:07:14,641 --> 00:07:17,912 - I've got this seat adjusted just right. - Perfect. Yeah. 145 00:07:19,705 --> 00:07:21,239 She got rid of it. 146 00:07:21,632 --> 00:07:22,976 My blue sweater. 147 00:07:23,063 --> 00:07:24,847 What is that about? 148 00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:27,800 - I was just leaving. - Stay. 149 00:07:28,076 --> 00:07:29,907 We are in the brozone layer. 150 00:07:29,965 --> 00:07:32,417 Okay, Nard Dog, Plop, and Clarker Posey, 151 00:07:32,442 --> 00:07:33,853 A.K.A. Clarkwork Orange. 152 00:07:33,878 --> 00:07:37,714 Here's the sitch. Erin dumped me, natch, 153 00:07:38,343 --> 00:07:41,168 but she got rid of my blue sweater, which was her favorite. 154 00:07:41,786 --> 00:07:44,568 Is she moving on a little fast, 155 00:07:44,771 --> 00:07:47,077 or am I being a total psycho? 156 00:07:47,619 --> 00:07:49,083 Plop, you go first. 157 00:07:49,563 --> 00:07:51,777 I don't know. Women do tend to move on 158 00:07:51,790 --> 00:07:53,664 quicker than men. 159 00:07:54,236 --> 00:07:56,361 Survey says... 160 00:07:56,463 --> 00:07:58,798 Doesn't make me feel better at all. 161 00:07:59,282 --> 00:08:01,316 Zero Clark thirty, what do you got? 162 00:08:01,340 --> 00:08:03,552 Well, look at it this way. Being a bachelor is not all bad. 163 00:08:03,601 --> 00:08:05,871 I mean, you got your freedom now. 164 00:08:07,121 --> 00:08:08,882 Last night I ordered a pizza by myself, 165 00:08:08,915 --> 00:08:10,966 and I ate it over the sink like a rat. 166 00:08:11,006 --> 00:08:12,285 There you go. Good for you. 167 00:08:12,317 --> 00:08:13,601 No. 168 00:08:14,193 --> 00:08:15,460 You're just letting it all hang out. 169 00:08:15,494 --> 00:08:17,099 That's what... 170 00:08:17,751 --> 00:08:20,069 It may not seem like it, but this really helped, 171 00:08:20,093 --> 00:08:22,878 so thank you. - Cool. 172 00:08:26,077 --> 00:08:29,463 I'll give you $100 to wear that sweater to work tomorrow. 173 00:08:37,691 --> 00:08:40,583 Aunt Shirley, hello, it's me, Dwight. 174 00:08:40,613 --> 00:08:43,244 Oh, looky here. It's big city Dwight. 175 00:08:43,299 --> 00:08:45,684 Careful you don't get mud on those fancy town shoes, 176 00:08:45,703 --> 00:08:46,844 big city Dwight. 177 00:08:46,877 --> 00:08:49,640 - Hello, aunt Shirley. - Who's this little kitchen witch? 178 00:08:49,683 --> 00:08:51,715 She's so tiny, like a little kitchen witch. 179 00:08:51,739 --> 00:08:55,455 This is Angela, and we brought you some new clothes. 180 00:08:55,522 --> 00:08:56,978 New clothes? What for? 181 00:08:57,008 --> 00:08:58,840 - Oh, dear God. Okay. - Oh. Oh, my God. 182 00:08:58,857 --> 00:09:02,945 You know what, before you put the new clothes on, 183 00:09:03,103 --> 00:09:05,932 Angela's gonna get you cleaned up a little bit. 184 00:09:06,030 --> 00:09:10,804 Yes. How would you like a nice, warm bath? 185 00:09:10,853 --> 00:09:12,348 How would you like a mean, cold slap? 186 00:09:12,370 --> 00:09:13,623 Ow! 187 00:09:13,642 --> 00:09:15,818 Okay, aunt Shirley, dear, 188 00:09:15,929 --> 00:09:19,591 can I get you a nice crisp liter of schnapps? 189 00:09:19,622 --> 00:09:21,220 - I could do that. - Okay. 190 00:09:21,239 --> 00:09:22,786 - No. No. - Yeah, trust me. 191 00:09:22,813 --> 00:09:24,581 - No. - It keeps her docile. 192 00:09:24,668 --> 00:09:28,523 Go to the kitchen, get the largest receptacle you can find. 193 00:09:29,144 --> 00:09:31,029 Step on it. 194 00:09:31,389 --> 00:09:33,320 Why doesn't Erin seem sad? 195 00:09:35,127 --> 00:09:37,734 Has she found someone new or something? 196 00:09:37,846 --> 00:09:39,927 And, if so, why hasn't she told me? 197 00:09:40,257 --> 00:09:43,001 Is she trying to spare my feelings? 198 00:09:44,005 --> 00:09:48,192 During break-ups, the mind goes to some crazy dark places. 199 00:09:58,895 --> 00:10:00,446 Andy, don't. 200 00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:02,332 No good can come from snooping. 201 00:10:02,357 --> 00:10:03,303 I'm not snooping. 202 00:10:03,321 --> 00:10:04,934 There's just some crud on her screen. 203 00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:06,188 You're clearly snooping. 204 00:10:06,238 --> 00:10:07,592 - That's kind of uncool, man. - Andy. 205 00:10:07,616 --> 00:10:09,523 - Aw, come on. - That's her private property. 206 00:10:09,581 --> 00:10:11,565 - Boo! - Uh, hello? 207 00:10:11,646 --> 00:10:13,764 Who's snooping on who now? 208 00:10:14,223 --> 00:10:15,754 What does that even mean? 209 00:10:15,779 --> 00:10:16,936 - Everyone, just please-- - What's it say? 210 00:10:16,957 --> 00:10:18,076 - Put it down. - Andy. 211 00:10:18,123 --> 00:10:19,266 - Hey! - Come on, Andy. 212 00:10:19,272 --> 00:10:21,416 - Put it down. - That's Erin's private property. 213 00:10:22,044 --> 00:10:23,628 Oh, my God. 214 00:10:23,693 --> 00:10:25,718 - See. - Nosy'll get you. 215 00:10:25,786 --> 00:10:26,853 Told him so. 216 00:10:27,178 --> 00:10:29,113 It just doesn't make any sense. 217 00:10:29,286 --> 00:10:31,037 Darryl, Clark, Kevin, Toby, plop, 218 00:10:31,083 --> 00:10:32,611 take a knee. 219 00:10:33,230 --> 00:10:36,849 All right, you guys are gonna think I'm psycho again. 220 00:10:37,322 --> 00:10:38,567 Couldn't shake this feeling 221 00:10:38,579 --> 00:10:41,273 that Erin's dating someone, so I looked at her phone. 222 00:10:41,417 --> 00:10:42,855 Man, you can't do that stuff. 223 00:10:42,891 --> 00:10:44,358 You'll only find pain. 224 00:10:44,568 --> 00:10:46,237 When my ex-wife got into my email account, 225 00:10:46,266 --> 00:10:47,417 she was devastated. 226 00:10:47,472 --> 00:10:48,903 Too late. 227 00:10:49,139 --> 00:10:51,495 I found out she's been texting a guy named Pete. 228 00:10:52,558 --> 00:10:54,908 Does anybody know a Pete? 229 00:10:57,510 --> 00:10:59,237 - Pete. - Hmm. 230 00:10:59,285 --> 00:11:00,819 Pete what? 231 00:11:00,868 --> 00:11:03,403 It just occurred to me that Andy has been calling me plop 232 00:11:03,436 --> 00:11:06,191 for so long he forgot my real name. 233 00:11:06,462 --> 00:11:07,879 Which is Pete. 234 00:11:34,768 --> 00:11:35,895 Hello. 235 00:11:35,938 --> 00:11:37,068 - Hey. There she is. 236 00:11:39,053 --> 00:11:40,922 - How you doing? - Hi. 237 00:11:40,972 --> 00:11:42,197 Hey, do I look okay? 238 00:11:42,221 --> 00:11:43,353 - You look great. - Okay. 239 00:11:43,404 --> 00:11:46,234 - Yeah. - What's that? 240 00:11:46,254 --> 00:11:47,302 - Is that a-- - Okay, I know 241 00:11:47,327 --> 00:11:49,340 where you're going with this, and this is who I am now. 242 00:11:49,383 --> 00:11:50,333 I'm a douche. 243 00:11:50,381 --> 00:11:51,815 But look what I can do with my hands. 244 00:11:51,848 --> 00:11:53,504 Gotta go. 245 00:11:53,537 --> 00:11:55,138 Vip just walked through the door. 246 00:11:55,178 --> 00:11:57,568 How are you, Isaac? You have something in your ear. 247 00:11:57,606 --> 00:11:59,219 It's a phone. 248 00:11:59,579 --> 00:12:03,323 Yes, it is, and thank you so much for setting up this opportunity. 249 00:12:03,342 --> 00:12:04,827 I really appreciate it. - Of course. 250 00:12:04,845 --> 00:12:06,240 Anything for team Halpert. 251 00:12:06,299 --> 00:12:07,712 You're gonna crush it, Pam. 252 00:12:07,786 --> 00:12:08,636 Thanks. 253 00:12:08,671 --> 00:12:10,613 - You are gonna crush it. - Mmh. 254 00:12:10,645 --> 00:12:11,945 Wow, I missed you. 255 00:12:12,029 --> 00:12:13,504 Wait, are you saying that into the phone 256 00:12:13,535 --> 00:12:15,131 or are you saying that to me? - Call you right back. 257 00:12:15,159 --> 00:12:16,242 What were you saying? 258 00:12:16,282 --> 00:12:17,620 Haha. 259 00:12:17,690 --> 00:12:19,315 - Aw. - Hey, Jim. 260 00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:21,190 We got Trent Edwards on the line. 261 00:12:21,265 --> 00:12:22,309 - I've gotta go. - Okay. 262 00:12:22,346 --> 00:12:24,812 But, you know what, team Halpert, okay? 263 00:12:24,835 --> 00:12:25,985 You're gonna crush it. 264 00:12:26,003 --> 00:12:27,452 You're gonna smash it. 265 00:12:27,476 --> 00:12:28,776 Okay. 266 00:12:28,956 --> 00:12:30,982 - Good luck. - Bye. 267 00:12:31,433 --> 00:12:33,468 God, she drank so much. 268 00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:34,613 And so quickly. 269 00:12:34,706 --> 00:12:35,937 Mm. 270 00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:38,406 In her prime, Shirls could put away homemade schnapps 271 00:12:38,442 --> 00:12:42,447 morning, noon, and night. 272 00:12:43,921 --> 00:12:46,251 Now all it takes is 1/2 liter. 273 00:12:46,418 --> 00:12:48,302 She's dreaming. All right. 274 00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:50,846 Let's get her out to the yard so you can spray her down. 275 00:12:50,907 --> 00:12:51,887 Spray her down? 276 00:12:51,906 --> 00:12:54,378 No, it's a lot better than it sounds. 277 00:12:54,570 --> 00:12:57,222 There's a private shower area, 278 00:12:57,317 --> 00:12:59,952 very tasteful and very rustic. 279 00:13:03,144 --> 00:13:04,126 Hey. 280 00:13:04,173 --> 00:13:06,673 Come on in. Have a seat. 281 00:13:08,375 --> 00:13:09,975 Uh, thanks for coming in. 282 00:13:10,003 --> 00:13:12,899 I just got to get something off my chest. 283 00:13:12,932 --> 00:13:18,059 I just got some really weird news, and, uh, 284 00:13:18,222 --> 00:13:19,778 I'm just gonna come out and say it. 285 00:13:19,804 --> 00:13:22,153 I just got off the phone with my doctor, 286 00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:28,481 and turns out I contracted ch-lamydia from Erin. 287 00:13:28,946 --> 00:13:30,702 And it's incurable. 288 00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,813 Pretty lame, huh? 289 00:13:33,574 --> 00:13:34,942 Yeah. 290 00:13:46,495 --> 00:13:48,581 - You were gone... - I knew it! 291 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:52,904 - For a long time, Andy. - You and Erin are f... 292 00:13:53,501 --> 00:13:55,548 Andy, just so you know, 293 00:13:55,592 --> 00:13:56,976 there was no overlap. 294 00:13:56,998 --> 00:13:58,839 - No overlap? Great. 295 00:13:58,870 --> 00:14:00,164 Good. Wow. 296 00:14:00,232 --> 00:14:01,813 This is suddenly so easy. 297 00:14:01,833 --> 00:14:03,711 Guess what? You're fired. 298 00:14:03,748 --> 00:14:04,715 - What? - Yeah. 299 00:14:04,756 --> 00:14:07,193 You are fired. 300 00:14:07,211 --> 00:14:08,809 One of the perks of being boss. 301 00:14:08,828 --> 00:14:11,550 I can fire anyone who steals my girlfriend. 302 00:14:11,591 --> 00:14:14,166 And, wow, that turns out to be you. 303 00:14:14,231 --> 00:14:15,435 Yup, sorry. 304 00:14:15,621 --> 00:14:17,796 ♪ So you had a bad day - Andy. 305 00:14:17,810 --> 00:14:19,649 - ♪ The camera don't lie - Andy. 306 00:14:19,666 --> 00:14:22,547 ♪ You're a big idiot, get out of my office ♪ 307 00:14:22,578 --> 00:14:24,624 - Andy. - ♪ Turns out you're fired 308 00:14:24,681 --> 00:14:26,425 ♪ because you suck 309 00:14:26,456 --> 00:14:27,906 ♪ And you're fired 310 00:14:27,949 --> 00:14:29,387 if you want to talk to me, 311 00:14:29,405 --> 00:14:31,356 I'll be in the annex, all right? 312 00:14:31,928 --> 00:14:33,429 I'm gonna be in the annex. 313 00:14:33,463 --> 00:14:35,447 Toby. 314 00:14:35,465 --> 00:14:38,018 Toby. 315 00:14:38,055 --> 00:14:39,306 You can't fire Pete. 316 00:14:39,332 --> 00:14:41,606 You understand why, right? 317 00:14:42,412 --> 00:14:43,887 No. 318 00:14:43,915 --> 00:14:46,609 Andy, we had this exact same conversation 319 00:14:46,634 --> 00:14:48,051 when you wanted to get rid of Nellie. 320 00:14:48,077 --> 00:14:51,780 You can't just get rid of people over grudges. 321 00:14:52,102 --> 00:14:53,790 Nellie was a professional grudge. 322 00:14:53,872 --> 00:14:56,435 This is a purely personal grudge. 323 00:14:57,236 --> 00:14:59,455 All right, well, look, while I have you, 324 00:14:59,756 --> 00:15:02,250 this is a relationship disclosure form 325 00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:04,225 for Pete and Erin. 326 00:15:04,997 --> 00:15:07,015 They already have a contract? 327 00:15:11,316 --> 00:15:13,766 "Mutually agree to..." 328 00:15:13,858 --> 00:15:17,027 Every phrase is like a dagger in my crotch. 329 00:15:17,060 --> 00:15:19,011 - It's just boilerplate. You don't have to read it. 330 00:15:19,037 --> 00:15:20,602 Well, I'm not signing away my rights. 331 00:15:20,979 --> 00:15:23,939 I already signed it. I was just showing you. 332 00:15:24,721 --> 00:15:26,863 Okay, well, we'll see about that. 333 00:15:26,882 --> 00:15:28,732 Andy, that's not the original. 334 00:15:29,570 --> 00:15:33,475 And destroying it will not stop them from dating. 335 00:15:33,968 --> 00:15:35,549 Andy. 336 00:15:45,472 --> 00:15:48,283 It's the original. 337 00:15:49,781 --> 00:15:51,776 ♪ If they're talking Chester Avenue ♪ 338 00:15:51,782 --> 00:15:53,439 ♪ Talking triplex 339 00:15:53,493 --> 00:15:55,112 ♪ talking converting 340 00:15:55,136 --> 00:15:56,168 is that her? 341 00:15:56,193 --> 00:15:57,487 Hey, guys. 342 00:15:57,631 --> 00:15:58,826 - Say something. I said-- - Hello. 343 00:15:58,863 --> 00:16:01,050 - Hi, I'm Mark. - Hi. Pam. Hello. 344 00:16:01,074 --> 00:16:03,031 I'm the horrible boss around here, 345 00:16:03,058 --> 00:16:06,261 but please don't hire Jamie Foxx to kill me. 346 00:16:06,475 --> 00:16:08,744 ♪ Django 347 00:16:10,077 --> 00:16:13,396 I don't agree with the use of the n-word in that movie. 348 00:16:13,430 --> 00:16:14,513 It's too soon. 349 00:16:15,165 --> 00:16:16,952 - I'm Pam Halpert. - Oh. Hi. 350 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,738 They call me Marky Mark around here, 351 00:16:18,756 --> 00:16:20,344 because here at Simon realty 352 00:16:20,366 --> 00:16:23,085 we are one funky bunch. 353 00:16:23,323 --> 00:16:24,479 Come on, you guys. 354 00:16:24,516 --> 00:16:26,402 Raise the roof when I say that. 355 00:16:26,764 --> 00:16:28,958 What are you, all temps again today? 356 00:16:30,535 --> 00:16:31,929 Let's go, Gangnam-style. 357 00:16:31,955 --> 00:16:33,891 He's heard Gangnam Style. 358 00:16:33,922 --> 00:16:35,016 He knows it. Right? 359 00:16:35,047 --> 00:16:37,080 That's 'cause he's American. 360 00:16:37,111 --> 00:16:38,669 - This is Carl. - Hi. 361 00:16:38,694 --> 00:16:43,505 - He's, uh, from here. He's from our neck of the woods. 362 00:16:43,820 --> 00:16:46,639 But Gangnam Style is great, isn't it? 363 00:16:47,048 --> 00:16:50,384 Oh, my God. He's Michael Scott. 364 00:16:55,564 --> 00:16:58,102 - Time to get clean. - It's hosing time, aunt Shirley. 365 00:16:58,143 --> 00:16:59,951 Have a seat. You're gonna have a hard time 366 00:16:59,976 --> 00:17:01,965 hearing her over the roar of the hose. 367 00:17:02,005 --> 00:17:03,754 - We have to do chains? - Oh, you'll see. 368 00:17:03,825 --> 00:17:05,363 - Here we go. - Get this show on the road. 369 00:17:05,395 --> 00:17:07,362 - Let's do it. Ready? 370 00:17:07,446 --> 00:17:09,413 Here's a box cutter to get her clothes off. 371 00:17:09,692 --> 00:17:11,082 - Dwight! - Let's get to it. 372 00:17:11,138 --> 00:17:12,572 - Give it a whirl. - No. No. 373 00:17:12,603 --> 00:17:14,571 Dwight, I'm not gonna hose your aunt down 374 00:17:14,605 --> 00:17:15,805 like some animal. 375 00:17:15,836 --> 00:17:17,891 Stop your bellyaching and hose me. 376 00:17:17,916 --> 00:17:19,066 I need you to hose my aunt. 377 00:17:19,091 --> 00:17:20,360 - No, Dwight. - Okay, you are useless. 378 00:17:20,378 --> 00:17:21,543 - No, no. - Give me the hose. 379 00:17:21,567 --> 00:17:24,670 Dwight, I won't do it. 380 00:17:33,841 --> 00:17:36,279 I'm gonna give your aunt a proper bath 381 00:17:36,332 --> 00:17:38,601 and a haircut like a lady. 382 00:17:38,620 --> 00:17:40,821 And you two are gonna shut up about it. 383 00:17:40,903 --> 00:17:42,204 Do you have a bathtub? 384 00:17:42,238 --> 00:17:44,047 - Yes, ma'am. - Good. 385 00:17:44,325 --> 00:17:46,016 This is not so much an office 386 00:17:46,047 --> 00:17:49,900 as it is a rec room with a bunch of computers in it. 387 00:17:49,996 --> 00:17:51,747 And, frankly, if I had my way, 388 00:17:51,843 --> 00:17:54,312 I'd toss the computers in the garbage, 389 00:17:54,332 --> 00:17:56,095 but unfortunately we use them 390 00:17:56,138 --> 00:17:58,891 for practically everything we do, so... 391 00:17:59,587 --> 00:18:00,981 That ain't gonna happen. 392 00:18:01,338 --> 00:18:02,844 He's a temp. Don't worry about him. 393 00:18:02,868 --> 00:18:03,901 Alice! 394 00:18:03,932 --> 00:18:07,602 All right. Stay awake, okay? 395 00:18:09,647 --> 00:18:11,607 Hey, Nellie. 396 00:18:11,998 --> 00:18:13,229 Mm. 397 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:16,287 I am so sick of February. 398 00:18:16,784 --> 00:18:20,159 It's the shortest month, but it sure doesn't feel that way. 399 00:18:20,854 --> 00:18:22,217 We should catch up. 400 00:18:22,329 --> 00:18:23,639 Um... 401 00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:26,020 You know, I've been going over my notes from the trial-- 402 00:18:26,045 --> 00:18:27,412 Oh, no, Toby, no. 403 00:18:27,433 --> 00:18:29,351 I feel like I might have glossed over a few minor points. 404 00:18:29,386 --> 00:18:32,438 No, Toby, you cannot keep blathering on 405 00:18:32,455 --> 00:18:34,417 about this Scranton strangler. 406 00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:35,534 Do something about it. 407 00:18:35,557 --> 00:18:37,357 Get it out of your system, whatever it takes. 408 00:18:37,381 --> 00:18:39,969 - I've been drafting a letter. - For two years! 409 00:18:40,008 --> 00:18:42,008 Then what? Another year picking out a stamp? 410 00:18:42,063 --> 00:18:44,738 Another six months before you decide to lick it? 411 00:18:44,956 --> 00:18:48,106 Just-- I don't want to hear it. 412 00:18:48,751 --> 00:18:49,876 My aunt Joan. 413 00:18:49,901 --> 00:18:53,562 Oh, well, she-- she worked here before I did, 414 00:18:53,603 --> 00:18:55,390 so there's no nepotism involved. 415 00:18:55,421 --> 00:18:58,056 In fact, to be honest with you, I'm probably a little harder 416 00:18:58,076 --> 00:19:00,931 on her than I am on the rest of these people. 417 00:19:02,199 --> 00:19:03,857 Can you not work on this? 418 00:19:03,879 --> 00:19:05,513 Work on this month's. 419 00:19:05,932 --> 00:19:07,548 Okay, Nana? 420 00:19:09,158 --> 00:19:13,374 When I say, "chillax," people chillax. 421 00:19:13,382 --> 00:19:15,883 Watch this. Hey, Roger, chillax. 422 00:19:18,402 --> 00:19:20,335 He must not have heard me. 423 00:19:20,435 --> 00:19:23,020 - No. I heard you. 424 00:19:23,366 --> 00:19:27,932 Step this way for the Spanish inquisition. 425 00:19:28,002 --> 00:19:29,640 Kids in the hall. 426 00:19:29,973 --> 00:19:32,417 Just-- it's not high pressure. 427 00:19:32,455 --> 00:19:34,887 It's just a little cawfee talk. 428 00:19:34,984 --> 00:19:36,631 Okay? Like buttah. 429 00:19:36,651 --> 00:19:37,669 Come on in here. 430 00:19:37,688 --> 00:19:40,616 - Mike Myers. - Oh, my God. 431 00:19:48,553 --> 00:19:50,142 Thank you. 432 00:19:50,331 --> 00:19:51,530 Thanks. Thanks a lot. 433 00:19:51,549 --> 00:19:52,599 Really appreciate it. 434 00:19:52,634 --> 00:19:55,085 You guys were supposed to have my back, okay? 435 00:19:55,262 --> 00:19:58,541 Instead, you let a guy named plop steal my girlfriend. 436 00:19:58,721 --> 00:20:00,459 Hey, boss, I did everything I could. 437 00:20:00,530 --> 00:20:02,110 I invited Pete out for drinks. 438 00:20:02,139 --> 00:20:04,352 - I emailed him shots of my junk. - Ugh. 439 00:20:04,429 --> 00:20:06,296 Kid doesn't have a romantic bone in his body. 440 00:20:06,394 --> 00:20:07,977 - Come on, Andy. They're a good match. 441 00:20:08,017 --> 00:20:09,650 That doesn't matter, okay? 442 00:20:09,668 --> 00:20:13,018 What matters is that I am hurt. 443 00:20:13,571 --> 00:20:16,490 Deep hurt inside of me. 444 00:20:16,750 --> 00:20:19,176 I don't care if they're Romeo and freaking Juliet. 445 00:20:19,370 --> 00:20:22,890 I feel like the guy Juliet dated before Romeo. 446 00:20:23,123 --> 00:20:24,780 Probably her boss. 447 00:20:25,004 --> 00:20:26,005 And guess what? 448 00:20:26,037 --> 00:20:28,071 Juliet's boss also had feelings. 449 00:20:28,176 --> 00:20:30,628 - Hey, Andy. - What? 450 00:20:31,038 --> 00:20:34,090 You got a booger bubble going on there. 451 00:20:35,909 --> 00:20:37,148 Sorry. 452 00:20:38,499 --> 00:20:39,516 That's okay. 453 00:20:39,950 --> 00:20:42,739 My whole life is a booger bubble. 454 00:20:48,674 --> 00:20:50,842 This is a tiny resume. 455 00:20:52,536 --> 00:20:54,117 Papa smurf. 456 00:20:54,162 --> 00:20:57,249 Come back to the mushroom. 457 00:20:58,066 --> 00:20:59,649 - It's from the smurfs movie. - Yeah. 458 00:20:59,683 --> 00:21:02,582 I've seen that with my kids. It is tiny. 459 00:21:02,679 --> 00:21:04,477 But I've actually been commissioned 460 00:21:04,501 --> 00:21:06,536 by the city of Scranton to paint a mural-- 461 00:21:06,566 --> 00:21:10,369 What does this say here? 462 00:21:10,773 --> 00:21:12,227 What language is this? 463 00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:14,217 Swahili? Oh, wait a second. 464 00:21:14,241 --> 00:21:17,149 - Now I can read it. - Oh, 'cause it was upside-down. 465 00:21:18,252 --> 00:21:20,451 You're a good audience. 466 00:21:21,317 --> 00:21:23,454 Unlike some of these people around here. 467 00:21:23,474 --> 00:21:26,252 Yeah. The city commissioned me to do-- 468 00:21:26,300 --> 00:21:29,191 Yeah, we don't have a lot of call for doodling around here. 469 00:21:29,340 --> 00:21:32,542 But I like this resume, and here's why. 470 00:21:32,746 --> 00:21:35,415 It shows that you stick around. 471 00:21:36,763 --> 00:21:39,397 Yeah, you don't jump ship easily 472 00:21:39,519 --> 00:21:42,554 like a lot of these people. 473 00:21:42,649 --> 00:21:45,735 I mean, they-- they worship me, you know, 474 00:21:45,762 --> 00:21:48,499 but do they like me? 475 00:21:49,798 --> 00:21:54,218 I mean, do you think they like me, Pam? 476 00:21:57,241 --> 00:21:58,754 Yes. 477 00:21:59,096 --> 00:22:01,631 What if Bob Dylan was your boss? 478 00:22:01,937 --> 00:22:04,243 I'm gonna do Dylan. 479 00:22:07,206 --> 00:22:09,187 ♪ Pam Halpert is my name 480 00:22:09,213 --> 00:22:12,182 ♪ I've been at Dunder Mifflin for... ♪ 481 00:22:12,955 --> 00:22:14,569 Seven years? Eight years. 482 00:22:14,592 --> 00:22:16,637 ♪ Eight years, man 483 00:22:16,805 --> 00:22:18,872 ♪ got the Dunder Mifflin blues 484 00:22:18,946 --> 00:22:20,840 ♪ got the Pam Halpert blues 485 00:22:20,912 --> 00:22:23,225 ♪ got Pratt-- went to Pratt institute ♪ 486 00:22:23,248 --> 00:22:25,854 - You have children? - Two children, yes. 487 00:22:25,878 --> 00:22:27,901 - And you do art and painting? - Mm-hmm. 488 00:22:27,955 --> 00:22:30,640 - Kind of the same thing. ♪ kind of the same thing 489 00:22:30,819 --> 00:22:33,282 ♪ sometimes I repeat myself 490 00:22:33,336 --> 00:22:35,733 ♪ but that's just being Pam 491 00:22:37,579 --> 00:22:39,711 ♪ Well, I'm kinda cute 492 00:22:39,743 --> 00:22:44,264 ♪ and I'm... But I'm married, so... ♪ 493 00:22:44,411 --> 00:22:46,271 ♪ Leave that be 494 00:22:46,467 --> 00:22:49,435 Hey. You got a sec to talk? 495 00:22:50,215 --> 00:22:51,931 Kind of painful to chat with you, Pete, 496 00:22:51,962 --> 00:22:54,457 ever since the ol' one-two punch to my scrotum pole, 497 00:22:54,483 --> 00:22:56,067 translation--penis, 498 00:22:56,093 --> 00:22:57,827 translation--my manhood. 499 00:22:58,371 --> 00:23:01,442 Yeah, look, uh... 500 00:23:01,899 --> 00:23:03,784 I understand break-ups are tough. 501 00:23:03,884 --> 00:23:05,347 You know, it happens to all of us 502 00:23:05,368 --> 00:23:07,085 at some point in life. 503 00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:10,154 But you gotta move on. 504 00:23:12,950 --> 00:23:14,784 Great advice. 505 00:23:14,967 --> 00:23:16,834 Thank you. You can leave now. 506 00:23:16,867 --> 00:23:18,103 Listen to him, Andy. 507 00:23:18,155 --> 00:23:21,093 He's trying to tell you something that you really need to hear. 508 00:23:22,384 --> 00:23:25,150 Awesome perspective. Thanks for butting in. 509 00:23:25,331 --> 00:23:27,876 Well, I've been where you are now. 510 00:23:28,057 --> 00:23:29,431 I dated this girl Alice, 511 00:23:29,468 --> 00:23:31,369 and it was an ugly break-up. 512 00:23:31,441 --> 00:23:34,279 She worked at a marketing agency right next to my house. 513 00:23:34,487 --> 00:23:36,393 I'd run into her every day, but I had to grow up 514 00:23:36,424 --> 00:23:38,620 and deal with it, and I did. 515 00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:40,952 We're even Facebook friends now. 516 00:23:41,011 --> 00:23:43,146 See? We can all be friends. 517 00:23:43,180 --> 00:23:45,098 - Yeah. - Just get over it. 518 00:23:45,149 --> 00:23:46,524 It doesn't have to be awkward. 519 00:23:46,579 --> 00:23:48,664 I do think we can have a fair... 520 00:23:48,709 --> 00:23:50,813 Yeah, so life gives you lemons, 521 00:23:50,837 --> 00:23:53,688 you just gotta eat 'em, rinds and all. 522 00:23:53,772 --> 00:23:54,989 And, if you don't want to eat 'em, 523 00:23:55,030 --> 00:23:56,497 your ex-girlfriend will shove them down your throat 524 00:23:56,644 --> 00:23:58,578 with the help of her hunky new boyfriend. 525 00:23:59,279 --> 00:24:01,124 So that's fun. 526 00:24:02,165 --> 00:24:04,365 Nothing to see here. 527 00:24:04,404 --> 00:24:06,188 Boss at work. 528 00:24:06,594 --> 00:24:09,083 This will be your desk, right up front. 529 00:24:09,131 --> 00:24:10,769 Best seat on the roller coaster. 530 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:13,896 You must be this tall to ride this ride. 531 00:24:14,389 --> 00:24:16,899 No pregnant women allowed. 532 00:24:16,930 --> 00:24:19,822 Are you? I'm not allowed to ask, so... 533 00:24:20,210 --> 00:24:21,837 - I am not-- - You're not pregnant. 534 00:24:21,855 --> 00:24:24,359 I didn't ask her if she was pregnant. 535 00:24:24,455 --> 00:24:25,580 She just offered it. 536 00:24:25,614 --> 00:24:28,846 The last three girls here all got pregnant. 537 00:24:28,928 --> 00:24:31,486 - Wow. - Don't--don't be afraid. 538 00:24:31,523 --> 00:24:33,157 It's a different chair. 539 00:24:33,611 --> 00:24:35,349 I don't want a guy up here. 540 00:24:35,518 --> 00:24:40,017 I want to, you know, see a woman come in and do a great job. 541 00:24:40,156 --> 00:24:42,059 Something--I have to look out this window-- 542 00:24:42,083 --> 00:24:44,168 - I'm sorry, I thought this job was for the position 543 00:24:44,176 --> 00:24:45,193 of office manager. 544 00:24:45,809 --> 00:24:47,009 It is. Yeah. 545 00:24:47,053 --> 00:24:49,003 You'd manage this office. 546 00:24:49,030 --> 00:24:51,852 You'd answer the phone and forward the calls, 547 00:24:51,945 --> 00:24:54,831 and, you know, go for a coffee run now and again. 548 00:24:54,883 --> 00:24:56,950 So kind of like a receptionist. 549 00:24:57,661 --> 00:24:59,191 Yeah. Like a receptionist, 550 00:24:59,226 --> 00:25:02,206 but we call you the office manager, 551 00:25:02,223 --> 00:25:06,151 because it's less demeaning. 552 00:25:07,120 --> 00:25:10,789 By the way, how long are these cameras 553 00:25:10,819 --> 00:25:12,187 gonna be following you around? 554 00:25:12,212 --> 00:25:16,031 Because I think this is pretty cool. 555 00:25:17,739 --> 00:25:19,414 Pretty, pretty cool. 556 00:25:19,438 --> 00:25:21,495 Larry David, curb your enthusiasm. 557 00:25:21,538 --> 00:25:23,088 - Do you like that show? - Yes. 558 00:25:23,178 --> 00:25:26,597 Well, I think they indulge themselves a little too much. 559 00:25:28,864 --> 00:25:30,337 I like scripted. 560 00:25:30,434 --> 00:25:32,954 I spent ten years as a receptionist 561 00:25:32,985 --> 00:25:34,436 to Michael Scott. 562 00:25:34,511 --> 00:25:37,374 And I have kids now. 563 00:25:38,543 --> 00:25:42,480 And I just-- I can't. 564 00:25:45,239 --> 00:25:47,938 - Ow. The braid is too tight. 565 00:25:48,002 --> 00:25:49,527 Oh, hush. 566 00:25:49,659 --> 00:25:52,322 Loose braids reflect a loose character. 567 00:25:52,446 --> 00:25:54,490 Now stay still. 568 00:25:54,605 --> 00:25:56,572 Yes, ma'am. 569 00:25:56,795 --> 00:26:00,604 I think your hair is much too long for your age, by the way. 570 00:26:01,053 --> 00:26:02,128 Okay. 571 00:26:02,179 --> 00:26:03,699 There. 572 00:26:05,815 --> 00:26:07,383 Thank you, Angela. 573 00:26:08,790 --> 00:26:10,621 I'm going to the prison 574 00:26:10,815 --> 00:26:13,683 this afternoon to go and talk to the strangler. 575 00:26:14,142 --> 00:26:17,008 Probably best to use his real name rather than strangler. 576 00:26:17,075 --> 00:26:19,521 Don't use his real name. 577 00:26:20,243 --> 00:26:22,027 George Howard Skub? 578 00:26:23,026 --> 00:26:24,617 That's a devil name. 579 00:26:24,728 --> 00:26:27,192 Anyway, I just wanted to say I'm doing it. 580 00:26:27,216 --> 00:26:28,804 I'm going. 581 00:26:30,345 --> 00:26:32,368 He's doing it. 582 00:26:33,556 --> 00:26:35,107 The fact that you've been able to cover-- 583 00:26:37,785 --> 00:26:39,471 - Hey. - Hey, how'd the interview go? 584 00:26:39,496 --> 00:26:41,204 - Oh, my gosh. Wait until I tell you. 585 00:26:41,241 --> 00:26:43,770 This guy was unbelievable. 586 00:26:44,133 --> 00:26:46,258 - Okay, so-- - I can't wait to hear about it later. 587 00:26:46,289 --> 00:26:48,721 Do you want to come in at 8:00? And don't eat, 588 00:26:48,755 --> 00:26:49,722 because I'm ordering in. 589 00:26:49,756 --> 00:26:51,173 - 8:00? Really? 590 00:26:51,662 --> 00:26:53,830 I'll make it worth your while, I promise. 591 00:26:53,901 --> 00:26:55,757 - Sure. I mean, it's Philly. 592 00:26:55,791 --> 00:26:57,425 I can kill four hours. 593 00:26:57,459 --> 00:26:59,029 So, yeah, I'll see you at 8:00. 594 00:26:59,060 --> 00:27:01,628 - All right. Love you. - Love you. 595 00:27:07,876 --> 00:27:08,932 - Hi. - Hi. 596 00:27:08,944 --> 00:27:10,984 I'm here from BCI Marketing Consultants 597 00:27:11,009 --> 00:27:12,250 to meet with Andrew Bernard. 598 00:27:12,277 --> 00:27:14,040 Oh, yes, the consultant. 599 00:27:14,515 --> 00:27:15,864 Andy said you can start right away. 600 00:27:15,917 --> 00:27:17,536 So I will take you to your desk. 601 00:27:17,561 --> 00:27:19,195 - Oh, okay, great. Thanks. 602 00:27:19,354 --> 00:27:21,667 - Mm. Fresh meat. 603 00:27:21,729 --> 00:27:23,430 Fresh meat! 604 00:27:23,548 --> 00:27:25,351 Just keep walking. Don't give her anything. 605 00:27:25,376 --> 00:27:26,631 She'll take it and run. 606 00:27:26,662 --> 00:27:28,353 - I'm Erin by the way. - Nice to meet you. 607 00:27:28,390 --> 00:27:29,981 - Cute sweater. - Oh, thanks. 608 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:32,469 Your shoes match. I'm bad at small talk. 609 00:27:32,513 --> 00:27:34,514 I'm Kevin. 610 00:27:38,448 --> 00:27:39,970 Pete? 611 00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:42,507 Alice. 612 00:27:42,967 --> 00:27:44,086 Oh, man. 613 00:27:44,117 --> 00:27:45,592 It's been a while, huh? 614 00:27:45,620 --> 00:27:48,889 - Oh, do you two know each other? - Yeah. We have a history. 615 00:27:48,938 --> 00:27:51,184 - Oh. - History. Wow. 616 00:27:51,215 --> 00:27:53,915 Okay. We dated for two years. 617 00:27:54,580 --> 00:27:55,793 That's so random. 618 00:27:55,829 --> 00:27:58,121 Well, is it? 619 00:27:59,437 --> 00:28:02,855 Andy also hired a management consultant today. 620 00:28:04,865 --> 00:28:06,646 Oh, no. 621 00:28:13,404 --> 00:28:14,913 Hey, Erin, look who's back. 622 00:28:14,945 --> 00:28:16,195 The birdman. 623 00:28:16,790 --> 00:28:18,615 Hello, beautiful. 624 00:28:19,097 --> 00:28:21,215 Didn't you two used to do it? 625 00:28:21,693 --> 00:28:25,496 We absolutely did. Thank you for remembering that. 626 00:28:32,382 --> 00:28:34,753 Hi. I'm Toby Flenderson. 627 00:28:34,803 --> 00:28:36,753 I'm here to see George Howard Skub. 628 00:28:36,853 --> 00:28:38,691 This is the prison. 629 00:28:39,688 --> 00:28:41,129 I am not going in there 630 00:28:41,154 --> 00:28:44,300 with expectations, per se. 631 00:28:45,099 --> 00:28:47,256 I will meet George Howard Skub. 632 00:28:47,288 --> 00:28:50,363 I will tell him that I believe he is innocent. 633 00:28:50,669 --> 00:28:54,289 I would understand if he felt motivated to hug me. 634 00:28:54,604 --> 00:28:56,978 I would understand if a friendship began. 635 00:28:57,042 --> 00:28:59,070 How did bogart put it? 636 00:28:59,250 --> 00:29:00,850 I think this is the start 637 00:29:00,866 --> 00:29:03,259 of my first friendship. 638 00:29:04,466 --> 00:29:06,666 So Pete was a librarian? 639 00:29:07,349 --> 00:29:09,955 He worked as a librarian freshman year. 640 00:29:10,140 --> 00:29:11,715 Was he, like, the sexy librarian? 641 00:29:11,741 --> 00:29:13,763 - Okay. - Is there somebody 642 00:29:13,809 --> 00:29:15,276 who's in charge of marketing? 643 00:29:15,311 --> 00:29:17,705 Maybe I should sit near him or her. 644 00:29:19,216 --> 00:29:20,185 Hi. 645 00:29:20,230 --> 00:29:21,971 Hi. How's it going? 646 00:29:22,102 --> 00:29:24,021 Hi. Good. 647 00:29:24,054 --> 00:29:26,311 I'd love to discuss strategy with you 648 00:29:26,344 --> 00:29:28,743 if you have a marketing-- - Wow, this sure is intense. 649 00:29:29,746 --> 00:29:31,871 Having to share a workspace with someone 650 00:29:31,905 --> 00:29:33,799 you used to get it on with. 651 00:29:33,833 --> 00:29:36,253 Andy, that is really inappropriate. 652 00:29:36,272 --> 00:29:38,723 - Awkward! - It is awkward. 653 00:29:38,795 --> 00:29:41,964 This is a really uncomfortable situation that you've contrived. 654 00:29:42,285 --> 00:29:44,977 Really uncomfortable situation. 655 00:29:45,007 --> 00:29:46,453 Yeah. 656 00:29:47,333 --> 00:29:49,583 That's all right, Pete. You can handle it. 657 00:29:49,672 --> 00:29:51,666 I mean, we all just gotta move on. 658 00:29:51,692 --> 00:29:53,851 Ain't that right, professor lecture-much? 659 00:29:54,788 --> 00:29:56,069 Uh, question. 660 00:29:56,107 --> 00:29:57,891 How's that medicine taste? 661 00:29:57,952 --> 00:29:59,950 Your own-flavored? 662 00:30:00,470 --> 00:30:03,105 Is it just me, or have these tables turned? 663 00:30:05,669 --> 00:30:08,854 Hmm. Hmm. 664 00:30:13,964 --> 00:30:15,640 So there's no marketing department? 665 00:30:15,679 --> 00:30:17,764 No. 666 00:30:18,047 --> 00:30:19,581 You know, times were tough. 667 00:30:19,612 --> 00:30:20,636 I was unemployed. 668 00:30:20,676 --> 00:30:22,432 I was still heartbroken over you. 669 00:30:22,464 --> 00:30:24,224 I've lost a good 50 pounds. 670 00:30:24,291 --> 00:30:27,254 But as you can see I put all that weight right back on. 671 00:30:28,462 --> 00:30:30,096 Feel how fat my buttocks are. 672 00:30:30,649 --> 00:30:32,517 Yeah. It's crazy. 673 00:30:32,554 --> 00:30:34,355 Touch it. It's like a warm pumpkin. 674 00:30:34,390 --> 00:30:36,515 So Andy just called you up out of the blue? 675 00:30:36,540 --> 00:30:38,040 Yeah. 676 00:30:38,277 --> 00:30:40,277 He told me you two broke up. 677 00:30:41,150 --> 00:30:43,684 You must be pretty horny. 678 00:30:47,412 --> 00:30:49,857 Well, the good news is, no more guilty conscience. 679 00:30:49,998 --> 00:30:52,279 At least you know he is the strangler. 680 00:30:52,428 --> 00:30:54,429 The proof is in the grip. 681 00:30:54,460 --> 00:30:57,561 Did they say when the vocal cords would heal? 682 00:30:59,990 --> 00:31:03,459 One week? Okay. 683 00:31:03,931 --> 00:31:05,738 Two weeks? 684 00:31:06,889 --> 00:31:08,592 Okay. 685 00:31:09,304 --> 00:31:12,447 You offered your neck in search of the truth. 686 00:31:12,811 --> 00:31:15,390 The proud neck of justice-- isn't that the expression? 687 00:31:15,427 --> 00:31:18,846 Well, anyway, it was--it was very brave. 688 00:31:22,591 --> 00:31:24,709 It really was quite brave. 689 00:31:28,835 --> 00:31:30,648 I feel like a show pony. 690 00:31:30,679 --> 00:31:33,047 And you look like one too. Thank you, Angela. 691 00:31:33,085 --> 00:31:35,120 You're welcome. Would you like some stew? 692 00:31:35,148 --> 00:31:38,871 By all means. And I will carve the roast skunk. 693 00:31:40,195 --> 00:31:42,195 - Angela. - Mm-hmm? 694 00:31:43,364 --> 00:31:44,902 Would you like the stink sack? 695 00:31:44,986 --> 00:31:46,617 - Is it any good? - No. 696 00:31:46,653 --> 00:31:48,756 You don't eat it. It's a toy, like a wishbone. 697 00:31:48,806 --> 00:31:50,905 You know, prettiest girl gets the stink sack. 698 00:31:50,956 --> 00:31:52,281 Thank you. 699 00:31:52,375 --> 00:31:55,538 So when's the wedding? 700 00:31:57,219 --> 00:31:58,119 Um... 701 00:31:58,143 --> 00:32:01,279 actually, we are just friends. 702 00:32:01,394 --> 00:32:03,732 That's what Mose said about his lady scarecrow, 703 00:32:03,754 --> 00:32:06,174 and look what he did to that poor thing. 704 00:32:07,104 --> 00:32:08,248 Hello? 705 00:32:08,502 --> 00:32:10,170 Hey. Back here. 706 00:32:13,251 --> 00:32:16,002 Wow. Seriously? 707 00:32:16,291 --> 00:32:17,625 Oh, my gosh. 708 00:32:17,659 --> 00:32:19,547 - Is that champagne? - Si, señor. 709 00:32:20,630 --> 00:32:24,745 Oh, Jim, I should have told you I didn't get the job. 710 00:32:24,935 --> 00:32:27,125 - Oh, man. I'm so sorry. 711 00:32:27,156 --> 00:32:28,507 - Are you all right? - Oh, yeah. 712 00:32:28,538 --> 00:32:30,876 I'm more than all right. There's just nothing to celebrate? 713 00:32:30,940 --> 00:32:31,907 Are you kidding? 714 00:32:32,035 --> 00:32:33,929 You're in Philly. We're having dinner together. 715 00:32:33,970 --> 00:32:36,239 And this is just consolation champagne. 716 00:32:36,350 --> 00:32:39,069 It's from the part of France that immediately gave up to the Nazis. 717 00:32:39,147 --> 00:32:40,347 Here. 718 00:32:40,390 --> 00:32:42,295 You're very quick on your feet. 719 00:32:42,445 --> 00:32:43,629 I remember you. 720 00:32:44,060 --> 00:32:45,437 Funny. 721 00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:49,723 All right, so tell me all about it. 722 00:32:51,172 --> 00:32:53,172 Okay. Well, 723 00:32:54,142 --> 00:32:56,894 gosh, thank you for your help today. 724 00:32:56,928 --> 00:32:59,880 Your perspective was very useful. 725 00:33:00,103 --> 00:33:01,059 Thank you. 726 00:33:01,096 --> 00:33:04,627 It was not an unpleasant way to spend an afternoon. 727 00:33:16,038 --> 00:33:17,971 - Dwight, Dwight. - Right. 728 00:33:18,018 --> 00:33:20,019 Not outside. The horseflies. 729 00:33:20,084 --> 00:33:22,469 You know what, my farm is only a few acres east of here. 730 00:33:22,504 --> 00:33:25,573 Or we could use the slaughterhouse. 731 00:33:25,852 --> 00:33:28,354 No, Dwight, the senator. 732 00:33:28,651 --> 00:33:31,994 Leave him. He probably won't even notice that you're gone. 733 00:33:32,028 --> 00:33:33,904 Be with me, monkey. 734 00:33:34,588 --> 00:33:37,295 I can't be your monkey, Dwight. 735 00:33:37,822 --> 00:33:40,189 I'm not talking about some frisky romp 736 00:33:40,231 --> 00:33:41,681 in the warehouse. 737 00:33:41,976 --> 00:33:44,482 We have wasted too much of our lives ignoring the fact 738 00:33:44,509 --> 00:33:47,361 that we belong together. 739 00:33:47,764 --> 00:33:51,014 The 80 or 90 years that I have left of this life... 740 00:33:52,376 --> 00:33:54,289 I want to spend with you. 741 00:33:56,486 --> 00:33:58,020 I made a vow. 742 00:33:58,047 --> 00:33:59,831 I gave my word. 743 00:34:01,194 --> 00:34:03,657 Stand by your man. 744 00:34:07,792 --> 00:34:10,687 It's what I would want if you were mine. 745 00:34:11,843 --> 00:34:13,844 Good night, D. 746 00:34:19,689 --> 00:34:20,877 How are you doing? 747 00:34:20,945 --> 00:34:24,132 - Is it really rough? - It is so unpleasant. 748 00:34:24,243 --> 00:34:26,144 - You? - Hey, love turds. 749 00:34:26,550 --> 00:34:28,531 Conference room now. 750 00:34:31,753 --> 00:34:33,687 Thank you all for coming in. 751 00:34:33,703 --> 00:34:35,344 Just wanted to check in. 752 00:34:35,363 --> 00:34:37,332 How was everyone's day? 753 00:34:39,541 --> 00:34:42,165 Honestly, it was a little weird. 754 00:34:42,333 --> 00:34:44,177 Really? 755 00:34:44,739 --> 00:34:45,490 Hmm. 756 00:34:45,534 --> 00:34:48,367 That's interesting, because Erin and Pete 757 00:34:48,735 --> 00:34:50,960 thought it wouldn't be weird at all. 758 00:34:51,089 --> 00:34:52,731 Why do you think it was weird, Gabe? 759 00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:55,522 Maybe because you and Erin used to be an item? 760 00:34:56,331 --> 00:34:58,351 I still wear Erin's button-downs 761 00:34:58,383 --> 00:34:59,646 around the condo sometimes, 762 00:34:59,682 --> 00:35:01,946 so it feels to me like we're still in a relationship... 763 00:35:01,977 --> 00:35:03,661 - Gabe. - A lot of the time. 764 00:35:03,677 --> 00:35:05,133 Ugh. 765 00:35:05,907 --> 00:35:07,740 And, Alice, I understand 766 00:35:07,770 --> 00:35:10,677 you once dumped Pete. Ouch. 767 00:35:10,708 --> 00:35:12,652 It was an amicable break-up, Andy. 768 00:35:13,028 --> 00:35:15,171 Okay, while we're rewriting history, 769 00:35:15,183 --> 00:35:16,844 you never had a drinking problem. 770 00:35:16,980 --> 00:35:18,115 It was college. 771 00:35:18,139 --> 00:35:19,804 That is what you do. 772 00:35:19,832 --> 00:35:21,328 Dude, you're also supposed to go to classes, 773 00:35:21,359 --> 00:35:22,347 so there's that. 774 00:35:22,385 --> 00:35:24,531 Hey, Andy, is this at all work-related? 775 00:35:24,654 --> 00:35:25,871 We'll get to that. 776 00:35:25,953 --> 00:35:28,666 Gabe, did Erin ever tell you that she loves you? 777 00:35:28,702 --> 00:35:31,972 - No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. 778 00:35:33,055 --> 00:35:34,476 She wouldn't even let me say it. 779 00:35:34,494 --> 00:35:36,101 It was adorable. She'd plug her ears 780 00:35:36,136 --> 00:35:37,202 and scream her heart out. 781 00:35:37,221 --> 00:35:38,490 Gabe, can you stop talking? 782 00:35:38,502 --> 00:35:40,126 Because every word out of your mouth 783 00:35:40,155 --> 00:35:41,873 is like the squawk of an ugly pelican. 784 00:35:42,719 --> 00:35:44,620 I got a tattoo for you. 785 00:35:44,691 --> 00:35:46,812 I didn't ask you to get that nike swoosh. 786 00:35:46,837 --> 00:35:48,492 Nobody did. You did that for you. 787 00:35:48,545 --> 00:35:50,070 Just do it. 788 00:35:50,671 --> 00:35:53,082 You were the it that I was just doing. 789 00:35:53,141 --> 00:35:54,927 So you're dating a secretary now? 790 00:35:54,984 --> 00:35:56,815 Moving up in the world, Pete. 791 00:35:56,899 --> 00:35:58,437 She's nice to me. 792 00:35:58,543 --> 00:36:00,560 How's that P.E. Degree coming? 793 00:36:00,662 --> 00:36:01,778 That's what he wanted to be. 794 00:36:01,796 --> 00:36:03,408 His dream in college was to be a gym teacher. 795 00:36:03,433 --> 00:36:05,807 Well, guess what, he could still be a gym teacher. 796 00:36:05,835 --> 00:36:07,447 In fact, we could all still be gym teachers. 797 00:36:07,489 --> 00:36:09,330 - So let's-- - I technically cannot. 798 00:36:09,351 --> 00:36:11,409 I don't have the lung capacity to blow a whistle. 799 00:36:11,448 --> 00:36:13,166 Oh, my God. 800 00:36:15,257 --> 00:36:16,976 What kind of music are you into, Peter? 801 00:36:17,105 --> 00:36:20,024 Uh, I like all kinds of music, Gabe. 802 00:36:20,057 --> 00:36:22,082 Really? All kinds? 803 00:36:22,150 --> 00:36:23,483 So you like songs of hate 804 00:36:23,518 --> 00:36:25,339 written by the white knights of ku klux klan? 805 00:36:25,364 --> 00:36:26,927 - Erin, are you even hearing this? - No! 806 00:36:26,957 --> 00:36:28,266 Gabe, he didn't even say that. 807 00:36:28,303 --> 00:36:29,679 He's not a very sophisticated man. 808 00:36:29,711 --> 00:36:30,866 I mean, he can't use chopsticks, 809 00:36:30,884 --> 00:36:32,333 so do I need to say anything else? 810 00:36:33,289 --> 00:36:35,892 Erin, I've been to Japan. 811 00:36:35,923 --> 00:36:38,518 I know how to use chopsticks so well. 812 00:36:39,068 --> 00:36:40,443 Come back. 813 00:36:40,535 --> 00:36:42,335 One night. Give me one night with you. 814 00:36:42,370 --> 00:36:43,837 - What is that supposed to be? - I have shaved everything. 815 00:36:43,871 --> 00:36:45,005 I don't want you to shave-- 816 00:36:45,039 --> 00:36:46,823 I wasted two years of my life on you. 817 00:36:46,847 --> 00:36:48,631 - You realize that, right? - I just want to be real clear 818 00:36:48,659 --> 00:36:50,758 that chopsticks is not the measure of a man. 819 00:36:50,789 --> 00:36:53,436 I am as smooth as a porpoise for you. 820 00:36:53,460 --> 00:36:54,635 Why didn't you say at the beginning, 821 00:36:54,665 --> 00:36:55,782 "this isn't really going that well"? 822 00:36:55,794 --> 00:36:57,599 Shovel his sashimi into his mouth 823 00:36:57,637 --> 00:36:58,863 as a sport. 824 00:36:58,906 --> 00:37:00,765 All right, all right, yes, 825 00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:02,450 that is a legitimate question. 826 00:37:02,561 --> 00:37:04,115 Does making Erin and Pete feel bad 827 00:37:04,142 --> 00:37:06,261 make me feel better? 828 00:37:07,710 --> 00:37:08,792 Yeah. 829 00:37:08,846 --> 00:37:11,771 Yeah. It does. 830 00:37:12,345 --> 00:37:14,789 So imagine, like, the real estate version 831 00:37:14,826 --> 00:37:16,944 of Michael Scott, and that was this guy. 832 00:37:17,121 --> 00:37:19,454 He did half the interview as Ace Ventura. 833 00:37:19,487 --> 00:37:20,957 - Tell me about the cologne. How much? 834 00:37:20,982 --> 00:37:23,323 Oh. An entire bottle at least. 835 00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:25,218 You're definitely hoarding this, by the way. 836 00:37:25,231 --> 00:37:28,233 Guess--guess what poster he had on his wall? 837 00:37:28,881 --> 00:37:30,350 - Austin powers. - Mm-mm. 838 00:37:30,418 --> 00:37:31,924 - Ferris Bueller. - Mm-mm. 839 00:37:32,352 --> 00:37:33,678 You're getting colder. 840 00:37:33,721 --> 00:37:34,997 Not Night at the Roxbury. 841 00:37:35,022 --> 00:37:36,635 No. 842 00:37:37,475 --> 00:37:40,376 The odd life of Timothy green. 843 00:37:40,688 --> 00:37:43,157 I'm sorry. How did you think I was expected to guess that? 844 00:37:43,186 --> 00:37:45,049 I don't know. But it's interesting, right? 845 00:37:45,061 --> 00:37:47,257 - It's fascinating. - He said he can't help 846 00:37:47,288 --> 00:37:49,681 but tear up when he looks at it, and it's right next to his desk. 847 00:37:49,702 --> 00:37:52,019 He must look at it, like, 20 times a day. 848 00:37:52,153 --> 00:37:53,516 That's amazing. 849 00:37:53,691 --> 00:37:55,192 Well, listen, you can't win 'em all, right? 850 00:37:55,206 --> 00:37:56,970 - Mm-hmm. - So the next interview 851 00:37:56,994 --> 00:37:58,701 has to be better. 852 00:38:00,186 --> 00:38:01,380 I don't know. 853 00:38:01,580 --> 00:38:02,947 What do you mean? 854 00:38:03,067 --> 00:38:05,401 Of course it will. You're amazing. 855 00:38:06,507 --> 00:38:08,061 - I know. It's just, even if it was 856 00:38:08,092 --> 00:38:09,850 a great boss and a great job, 857 00:38:09,875 --> 00:38:11,993 I just--I don't-- I don't know if I-- 858 00:38:12,024 --> 00:38:15,660 if I want to-- I don't know if I want this. 859 00:38:21,585 --> 00:38:23,053 Huh. 860 00:38:27,492 --> 00:38:29,487 This is a little out of left field. 861 00:38:29,644 --> 00:38:31,038 Is it? 862 00:38:37,224 --> 00:38:40,675 I just-- I liked our life in Scranton. 863 00:38:43,542 --> 00:38:47,295 And I have started a business in Philadelphia. 864 00:38:59,292 --> 00:39:01,636 Little did my grandfather know, 865 00:39:01,700 --> 00:39:04,325 mahjong would be here to stay. 866 00:39:04,496 --> 00:39:07,999 Hobbies of the east continues in a moment. 867 00:39:13,809 --> 00:39:15,503 You could all be doing this. 868 00:39:15,608 --> 00:39:16,727 Just saying. 869 00:39:16,782 --> 00:39:18,308 I watch way too many ads online, 870 00:39:18,321 --> 00:39:20,105 and I don't do enough sit-ups. 871 00:39:20,910 --> 00:39:22,173 So I bought these. 872 00:39:22,256 --> 00:39:24,479 Now every time an ad pops up online, 873 00:39:24,542 --> 00:39:26,942 I get 30 seconds of ab-blasting. 874 00:39:27,248 --> 00:39:29,174 I call it ads for abs. 875 00:39:29,311 --> 00:39:32,513 Ironically, I learned about the boots from an ad online. 876 00:39:32,754 --> 00:39:35,105 Why can't you just do regular sit-ups? 877 00:39:35,139 --> 00:39:36,852 I'll tell you why. 878 00:39:37,713 --> 00:39:39,548 Because... 879 00:39:40,093 --> 00:39:42,879 The floor... 880 00:39:42,955 --> 00:39:44,085 is... 881 00:39:45,358 --> 00:39:47,210 disgusting. 882 00:39:51,088 --> 00:39:54,012 Yeah. My trainer said, 883 00:39:54,208 --> 00:39:56,771 "everybody fails working out." 884 00:39:56,816 --> 00:39:58,266 That's how you win. 885 00:39:58,317 --> 00:40:00,980 Okay. All right. 886 00:40:01,235 --> 00:40:04,331 Okay. Kevin, a little help, buddy. 887 00:40:04,390 --> 00:40:08,893 Oh, why don't your famous stomachs help you now? 888 00:40:09,086 --> 00:40:11,336 Can someone please help me? 889 00:40:11,361 --> 00:40:12,705 Oh, these teas are hot. 890 00:40:12,730 --> 00:40:15,080 Can someone help me, please? 891 00:40:16,078 --> 00:40:17,373 Oh, thanks. Yeah. 892 00:40:17,597 --> 00:40:19,736 - Okay. - Just... 893 00:40:20,798 --> 00:40:22,193 Just... 894 00:40:22,409 --> 00:40:24,865 People, I'm not going anywhere. 895 00:40:24,910 --> 00:40:27,514 Soon my core will get strong again, 896 00:40:27,552 --> 00:40:30,220 and, when that happens, I'll be able... 897 00:40:30,798 --> 00:40:31,893 Head rush! 898 00:40:31,929 --> 00:40:33,606 Ah! 899 00:40:34,805 --> 00:40:36,200 Can someone please help me? 900 00:40:36,413 --> 00:40:37,992 I-- hey. 901 00:40:38,061 --> 00:40:39,829 I'm not going anywhere. 902 00:40:40,223 --> 00:40:42,107 I'll be right here. 903 00:40:42,679 --> 00:40:44,311 Oh, that's not good. 904 00:40:44,453 --> 00:40:46,953 Hey, guys, I've got 20 bucks for anyone who will help me. 905 00:40:47,081 --> 00:40:48,916 Kevin, would you like a pizza? 906 00:40:49,453 --> 00:40:54,453 Sync and corrections by Norther www.addic7ed.com