1 00:00:10,306 --> 00:00:13,306 Oh, oh. She's doing it again. 2 00:00:13,307 --> 00:00:16,242 Phyllis has gotten into audiobooks. 3 00:00:16,277 --> 00:00:18,828 And lately she's been listening to 50 Shades Of Grey, 4 00:00:18,846 --> 00:00:21,281 which, if you don't know what it is, 5 00:00:21,315 --> 00:00:24,150 - it's a book about, uh, um-- - It's porn. 6 00:00:24,185 --> 00:00:26,019 Yeah. 7 00:00:26,053 --> 00:00:27,487 [Chair squeaking] 8 00:00:27,521 --> 00:00:30,139 Seriously? 9 00:00:30,174 --> 00:00:31,724 This is unacceptable. 10 00:00:31,775 --> 00:00:33,743 It's officially a hostile work environment. 11 00:00:33,777 --> 00:00:34,994 Why? 12 00:00:35,029 --> 00:00:36,279 Somebody just needs to get her attention, 13 00:00:36,313 --> 00:00:37,931 tell her it's not okay to do this in public. 14 00:00:37,965 --> 00:00:39,599 Be careful. I pulled my mom's dog 15 00:00:39,650 --> 00:00:41,217 off the pillow once, and I got bit. 16 00:00:41,252 --> 00:00:43,469 Just ignore her. Sooner or later, she'll finish. 17 00:00:43,504 --> 00:00:45,438 [All groaning] Meredith! Good lord. 18 00:00:45,472 --> 00:00:47,874 - What? - Phyllis is masturbating 19 00:00:47,925 --> 00:00:50,092 in the office right now as we speak. 20 00:00:50,110 --> 00:00:52,579 Can we skip the color commentary and just have Andy 21 00:00:52,613 --> 00:00:54,196 go out there and fire her? 22 00:00:54,215 --> 00:00:55,665 He can't do that. 23 00:00:55,699 --> 00:00:57,517 Turns out she's allowed to have feelings 24 00:00:57,551 --> 00:00:59,168 of sexual arousal. 25 00:00:59,203 --> 00:01:00,937 Doesn't become a violation 26 00:01:00,971 --> 00:01:02,505 till she physically acts on it. 27 00:01:02,523 --> 00:01:04,440 [All exclaim] 28 00:01:04,475 --> 00:01:06,910 W-w-wait, wait. Why is Phyllis so aroused? 29 00:01:06,944 --> 00:01:09,579 She's listening to50 Shades Of Grey. 30 00:01:09,613 --> 00:01:12,181 Well, there you go. That'smuy caliente. 31 00:01:12,216 --> 00:01:14,701 Okay, you are useless. I'll take care of this. 32 00:01:18,439 --> 00:01:20,173 [Sputters] What the hell? 33 00:01:20,207 --> 00:01:22,342 It's okay, guys. She's no longer horny. 34 00:01:22,393 --> 00:01:24,394 Excuse me, dirty birdie. 35 00:01:24,428 --> 00:01:25,828 What? 36 00:01:25,863 --> 00:01:28,498 You can have this back at the end of the day. 37 00:01:28,532 --> 00:01:30,466 Okay. 38 00:01:32,152 --> 00:01:33,135 [Yelps] 39 00:01:33,153 --> 00:01:35,738 [Cheerful music] 40 00:01:39,894 --> 00:01:41,904 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 41 00:01:42,296 --> 00:01:44,213 Clark, I need your advice. 42 00:01:44,231 --> 00:01:45,782 I'm having some lady troubles. 43 00:01:45,816 --> 00:01:48,351 - What's her name? - Esther Bruegger. 44 00:01:48,385 --> 00:01:50,720 - Sweet. - Lives on the neighboring farm. 45 00:01:50,754 --> 00:01:52,188 - 85 acres. - Oh, yeah. 46 00:01:52,206 --> 00:01:53,623 Keep talking. 47 00:01:53,657 --> 00:01:54,974 Well, we've been out three times. 48 00:01:55,009 --> 00:01:56,743 There has been physicality. 49 00:01:56,777 --> 00:01:58,661 The thing is, we were hanging out with her father 50 00:01:58,695 --> 00:02:00,096 the other night, looking at a farm catalogue, 51 00:02:00,131 --> 00:02:02,699 next thing I know he wants to lease a tractor with me. 52 00:02:02,733 --> 00:02:04,234 [Groans] 53 00:02:04,268 --> 00:02:05,985 [Laughs] 54 00:02:06,020 --> 00:02:07,754 What do you think? 55 00:02:07,788 --> 00:02:09,739 The same thing that you think. 56 00:02:09,757 --> 00:02:12,826 Long-term tractor leases can put pressure on a relationship. 57 00:02:12,860 --> 00:02:13,943 God, a lot of my buddies are going 58 00:02:13,978 --> 00:02:15,245 through the same thing right now. 59 00:02:15,279 --> 00:02:16,579 Something in the air. 60 00:02:16,613 --> 00:02:17,797 Here you go. 61 00:02:17,832 --> 00:02:19,432 And good for you, Dwight. 62 00:02:19,467 --> 00:02:21,151 I'm so glad you found someone. 63 00:02:21,185 --> 00:02:23,820 I bet she's got kind eyes. 64 00:02:23,854 --> 00:02:26,022 Dwight is dating a Brussels sprout farmer 65 00:02:26,056 --> 00:02:27,273 named Esther. 66 00:02:27,324 --> 00:02:29,526 She's coming here this afternoon with her father. 67 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:30,727 Who knows? 68 00:02:30,761 --> 00:02:32,462 Maybe she'll be pulling the horse cart. 69 00:02:32,496 --> 00:02:34,397 [Chuckling] 70 00:02:34,415 --> 00:02:37,250 [Amused sigh] 71 00:02:37,284 --> 00:02:39,602 Cece has been calling me Pamela. 72 00:02:39,637 --> 00:02:41,121 Like, four times this week. 73 00:02:41,155 --> 00:02:42,338 Oh, man. 74 00:02:42,372 --> 00:02:43,673 [Chuckles] 75 00:02:43,691 --> 00:02:45,191 I wonder if she'll start calling you Jim. 76 00:02:45,242 --> 00:02:47,076 Oh, boy. Please don't. 77 00:02:47,111 --> 00:02:49,863 - I know. - Let's not let that happen. 78 00:02:49,897 --> 00:02:52,949 [Chuckles] Um... 79 00:02:52,983 --> 00:02:56,119 Oh, what was I gonna-- what was I gonna say? 80 00:02:56,153 --> 00:02:57,437 Well, you know, your assistant told me 81 00:02:57,471 --> 00:02:59,789 that you have a big pitch meeting today. 82 00:02:59,823 --> 00:03:02,559 With Ryan Howard. How did that happen? 83 00:03:02,593 --> 00:03:04,360 Not that Ryan Howard. 84 00:03:04,394 --> 00:03:06,696 - The Phillies first baseman. - Oh! Oh, okay. 85 00:03:06,714 --> 00:03:08,348 Yeah, yeah. Exactly. 86 00:03:08,382 --> 00:03:10,800 [Sighs] 87 00:03:10,835 --> 00:03:12,669 Um, okay. 88 00:03:12,703 --> 00:03:14,003 - Well... - Yeah. 89 00:03:14,038 --> 00:03:16,139 So I'll talk to you later? 90 00:03:16,173 --> 00:03:17,290 Yeah, sounds good. Okay. 91 00:03:17,324 --> 00:03:18,258 - Okay, great. - Yup. 92 00:03:18,292 --> 00:03:19,624 - Bye. - Bye. 93 00:03:21,929 --> 00:03:25,181 [Laughter] 94 00:03:25,199 --> 00:03:26,466 What's going on? 95 00:03:26,500 --> 00:03:29,335 Ooh, did Gangnam Style put out a new song? 96 00:03:29,386 --> 00:03:30,770 There's a promo for the documentary 97 00:03:30,804 --> 00:03:32,655 on the web. 98 00:03:32,690 --> 00:03:35,625 Play it again. 99 00:03:35,659 --> 00:03:38,428 [Upbeat guitar music] 100 00:03:38,462 --> 00:03:41,047 The boss. [All murmur] 101 00:03:41,081 --> 00:03:43,533 - There's Michael. - The workers. 102 00:03:47,755 --> 00:03:52,275 The lives. 103 00:03:52,309 --> 00:03:55,111 The loves. 104 00:03:56,814 --> 00:03:58,781 The people. 105 00:04:03,187 --> 00:04:05,688 The paper. 106 00:04:11,879 --> 00:04:15,181 The Office, An American Workplace. 107 00:04:15,232 --> 00:04:17,934 Coming soon on WVIA. 108 00:04:17,952 --> 00:04:19,502 Whoa. 109 00:04:19,536 --> 00:04:22,055 You go to the bathroom for 45 minutes, 110 00:04:22,089 --> 00:04:24,757 and everything changes. 111 00:04:24,808 --> 00:04:26,809 This is a documentary? 112 00:04:26,844 --> 00:04:28,511 Ohh. 113 00:04:28,545 --> 00:04:30,897 I always thought we were, like, specimens 114 00:04:30,931 --> 00:04:33,316 in a human zoo. 115 00:04:38,389 --> 00:04:40,557 [Typing on keyboard] 116 00:04:40,591 --> 00:04:42,776 Did you see this? 117 00:04:42,810 --> 00:04:44,261 [Clatter] 118 00:04:44,295 --> 00:04:45,946 Your screen is all black. 119 00:04:45,980 --> 00:04:49,749 You just unplugged your computer. 120 00:04:53,921 --> 00:04:55,939 Oh, my God. Is that you and Jim? 121 00:04:55,973 --> 00:04:58,658 - Uh-huh. - Jeez. 122 00:04:58,693 --> 00:04:59,960 You fell in love with that hair? 123 00:04:59,994 --> 00:05:01,761 Really? [Chuckles] 124 00:05:01,795 --> 00:05:04,264 Yikes. 125 00:05:04,298 --> 00:05:07,900 That is awful. 126 00:05:07,919 --> 00:05:10,053 It wasn't so bad. 127 00:05:10,087 --> 00:05:11,471 Guys, are you reading the online comments? 128 00:05:11,489 --> 00:05:14,174 Somebody commented on my banjo playing. 129 00:05:14,208 --> 00:05:15,992 "Banjo at 0:19 is a'ight." 130 00:05:16,027 --> 00:05:19,045 Internet, calm down! [Chuckles] 131 00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:21,247 I must have really connected with this guy. 132 00:05:21,281 --> 00:05:22,532 I mean, that's a guy's name, right? 133 00:05:22,566 --> 00:05:24,517 Chobblegobbler? 134 00:05:27,505 --> 00:05:29,089 [Elevator dings] 135 00:05:31,492 --> 00:05:32,776 Hey, man, how you doing? Jim Halpert. 136 00:05:32,810 --> 00:05:34,094 Nice to meet you. Eat fresh. 137 00:05:34,128 --> 00:05:35,946 - Hey, man. Darryl. - Hey, man. Ryan. 138 00:05:35,980 --> 00:05:37,697 Nice to meet you. Eat fresh. 139 00:05:37,731 --> 00:05:39,349 Eat fresh. [Clicks tongue] 140 00:05:39,383 --> 00:05:42,802 Let's go to the conference room. 141 00:05:45,172 --> 00:05:48,575 Esther's on her way up. I wonder if she wants a snack. 142 00:05:48,609 --> 00:05:49,743 Let me see. 143 00:05:49,777 --> 00:05:52,462 I know she likes apples and carrots. 144 00:05:52,496 --> 00:05:53,730 I bet she does. 145 00:05:53,764 --> 00:05:55,865 I bet she'll eat 'em right out of your hand 146 00:05:55,900 --> 00:05:57,667 with those big, strong teeth. 147 00:05:57,702 --> 00:05:59,786 Did I tell you about her teeth? 148 00:05:59,820 --> 00:06:01,688 Hey, Dwight, you have some guests. 149 00:06:01,722 --> 00:06:04,457 I think they're from the forest where we harvest our paper. 150 00:06:06,577 --> 00:06:08,461 [Silently] Yes. 151 00:06:08,479 --> 00:06:10,981 Ah, the Bruegger family. Welcome. 152 00:06:11,015 --> 00:06:12,482 Fine office you have here. 153 00:06:12,533 --> 00:06:13,566 Sturdy walls. 154 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:15,735 Yes. Esther. 155 00:06:15,770 --> 00:06:20,190 - You look radiant as always. - Thank you. 156 00:06:20,224 --> 00:06:23,510 I guess men find Esther attractive. 157 00:06:23,544 --> 00:06:25,245 I mean, if there are chubby chasers, 158 00:06:25,279 --> 00:06:29,966 then there are men that like that thing. 159 00:06:30,001 --> 00:06:32,702 Weird to see how we used to look in those promos. 160 00:06:32,737 --> 00:06:35,271 Some of us have changed so much. 161 00:06:35,306 --> 00:06:37,907 We've all changed. 162 00:06:41,045 --> 00:06:43,146 With our firm, you'll be building equity 163 00:06:43,197 --> 00:06:44,948 for long after they retire your number. 164 00:06:44,982 --> 00:06:47,550 And we all know baseball does not last forever. 165 00:06:47,601 --> 00:06:48,985 I look at these actors on TV, 166 00:06:49,020 --> 00:06:51,371 and I think, "come on. I can do that." 167 00:06:51,405 --> 00:06:53,540 Right? [Chuckles] 168 00:06:53,574 --> 00:06:55,091 Watch this. 169 00:06:55,142 --> 00:06:56,576 Eat fresh. 170 00:06:56,610 --> 00:06:58,028 Now what does that make you think of? 171 00:06:58,062 --> 00:07:00,080 - Subway sandwiches. - Yeah. 172 00:07:00,114 --> 00:07:02,432 How? I didn't say "Subway sandwiches" 173 00:07:02,466 --> 00:07:04,000 it's called playing the subtext. 174 00:07:04,035 --> 00:07:06,653 - Wow. - I actually wrote a screenplay. 175 00:07:06,687 --> 00:07:08,505 It's called The Big Piece. 176 00:07:08,539 --> 00:07:10,557 Based on his nickname. I like it already. 177 00:07:10,591 --> 00:07:12,225 Let me guess. It's autobiographical. 178 00:07:12,259 --> 00:07:14,961 Half-biopic, half-superhero movie. 179 00:07:14,995 --> 00:07:17,647 The mild-mannered professional baseball player Ryan Howard 180 00:07:17,681 --> 00:07:18,998 - hits a home run... - Okay. 181 00:07:19,016 --> 00:07:20,466 ...into outer space. 182 00:07:20,484 --> 00:07:21,985 Ball comes back with space dust on it, 183 00:07:22,036 --> 00:07:24,904 which transforms him into the Big Piece. 184 00:07:24,922 --> 00:07:26,172 Big Piece. 185 00:07:26,206 --> 00:07:28,058 - The space dust does it. - Space dust. 186 00:07:28,092 --> 00:07:29,392 - Okay. - I actually brought 187 00:07:29,443 --> 00:07:30,860 some copies of my script 188 00:07:30,895 --> 00:07:32,462 if you guys want to read it together. 189 00:07:32,496 --> 00:07:34,330 Sure, yeah. [Chuckles] 190 00:07:34,381 --> 00:07:37,016 ♪ Hollywood ♪ 191 00:07:37,051 --> 00:07:38,268 All right. 192 00:07:38,319 --> 00:07:40,253 - Yeah, we're gonna read it. - Okay, great. 193 00:07:40,287 --> 00:07:43,723 Andy, are there documentary groupies? 194 00:07:43,758 --> 00:07:45,091 Of course there are. 195 00:07:45,126 --> 00:07:46,509 Of course. 196 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:47,644 A little ironic 197 00:07:47,678 --> 00:07:49,262 that I'm gonna be kind of a TV star, 198 00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:51,714 because my last Chad Flenderman novel 199 00:07:51,749 --> 00:07:55,668 was based on a murdered TV star. 200 00:07:55,702 --> 00:07:57,954 - The Small Scream. - Oh, I don't care. 201 00:07:57,988 --> 00:08:00,339 Hey, guys, I just found another promo. 202 00:08:00,357 --> 00:08:02,776 - It's in Danish. - Danish? 203 00:08:02,810 --> 00:08:04,010 I guess it's gonna start airing in Denmark. 204 00:08:04,028 --> 00:08:05,411 Oh, my God. 205 00:08:05,446 --> 00:08:08,631 [Man speaking Danish] 206 00:08:16,941 --> 00:08:19,409 What was that word they said when they showed me? 207 00:08:19,443 --> 00:08:22,278 Skrald mand? What's that mean in Danish? 208 00:08:22,329 --> 00:08:24,414 "Cool guy?" 209 00:08:24,448 --> 00:08:26,116 "Dumpster man." 210 00:08:26,167 --> 00:08:28,568 Cool. Superhero. 211 00:08:28,586 --> 00:08:30,036 What about me? 212 00:08:30,070 --> 00:08:32,288 - Cloken tre pige. - Tre pige. 213 00:08:32,339 --> 00:08:34,424 "3:00 PM girl." 214 00:08:34,458 --> 00:08:36,075 What? 215 00:08:36,093 --> 00:08:37,710 Why would they-- w-- wait a second. 216 00:08:37,744 --> 00:08:38,878 Wait a second. What was that? 217 00:08:38,912 --> 00:08:41,414 [Typing on keyboard] [Gasps] 218 00:08:41,432 --> 00:08:43,416 I didn't know they were filming then. 219 00:08:43,450 --> 00:08:46,352 It looks like the cameraman was hiding behind the shelves. 220 00:08:46,387 --> 00:08:48,555 Wait, so they were filming all the time, 221 00:08:48,589 --> 00:08:50,223 even when we didn't know it? 222 00:08:50,257 --> 00:08:51,858 Oh, my God. 223 00:08:56,251 --> 00:08:59,151 There is much more secret filming than I expected. 224 00:08:59,152 --> 00:09:00,402 But I am fine with it, I mean it. 225 00:09:00,420 --> 00:09:02,020 - I am. - Are you kidding me? 226 00:09:02,055 --> 00:09:03,272 It's like half the show is secret footage. 227 00:09:03,306 --> 00:09:04,740 I am a very private person. 228 00:09:04,774 --> 00:09:06,892 I show 'em when I want to show 'em. 229 00:09:06,926 --> 00:09:09,094 Who wants a taste? Boob sauce! 230 00:09:09,145 --> 00:09:10,679 - Meredith! - Come on! 231 00:09:10,713 --> 00:09:12,347 Oh, my God. Do they film us at night 232 00:09:12,381 --> 00:09:14,283 - when we're sleeping? - Yes, Erin. 233 00:09:14,317 --> 00:09:15,367 They film us at night when we're sleeping 234 00:09:15,418 --> 00:09:16,418 'cause that makes great TV. 235 00:09:16,452 --> 00:09:17,870 - Hey. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 236 00:09:17,904 --> 00:09:19,304 - Oscar. - I'm sorry, sweetie. 237 00:09:19,355 --> 00:09:21,523 This whole thing is just freaking me out. 238 00:09:21,558 --> 00:09:23,425 I have been very honest with you guys 239 00:09:23,459 --> 00:09:25,677 in a way that could seriously impact the political career 240 00:09:25,728 --> 00:09:27,613 of a very good friend of mine. 241 00:09:27,647 --> 00:09:30,232 You're not gonna use any of that, are you? 242 00:09:30,266 --> 00:09:32,684 People, relax. 243 00:09:32,719 --> 00:09:34,603 We are killing it online. 244 00:09:34,637 --> 00:09:35,837 Have you guys checked the comments? 245 00:09:35,872 --> 00:09:37,372 Smokethatskinwagon says, 246 00:09:37,407 --> 00:09:39,725 "you guys are killing it." I mean... 247 00:09:39,776 --> 00:09:42,744 we're internet sensations, guys. 248 00:09:42,778 --> 00:09:44,463 I think we need to figure out what's going on. 249 00:09:44,497 --> 00:09:47,065 I might just take a little walk. 250 00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:51,320 Yes, a little walk sounds like a good idea. 251 00:09:51,354 --> 00:09:53,272 Okay. 252 00:09:55,491 --> 00:09:59,461 [Indistinct whispering] 253 00:09:59,495 --> 00:10:00,929 Okay, everyone, turn off your mics. 254 00:10:07,854 --> 00:10:10,072 We need to know more. Did those shots have sound? 255 00:10:10,106 --> 00:10:11,957 What exactly did they get on tape? 256 00:10:11,991 --> 00:10:14,192 I sneezed into my hands without using purell 257 00:10:14,227 --> 00:10:15,444 and then dipped into the candy jar. 258 00:10:15,478 --> 00:10:17,079 - Did they film that? - My first week here, 259 00:10:17,113 --> 00:10:18,714 I sneezed directly into the candy jar 260 00:10:18,748 --> 00:10:20,048 because I thought I'd get more-- 261 00:10:20,083 --> 00:10:21,850 I thought I'd get more screen time as a villain. 262 00:10:21,868 --> 00:10:23,835 Okay, Pam, why don't you visit your buddy, 263 00:10:23,870 --> 00:10:25,887 the crew guy that got fired, find out what they got? 264 00:10:25,922 --> 00:10:27,522 Brian? 265 00:10:27,557 --> 00:10:29,591 - Yeah. - Yeah, I guess I could. 266 00:10:29,626 --> 00:10:31,410 Hurry, Pam. I need to know how much hellfire 267 00:10:31,461 --> 00:10:32,994 is gonna rain down on me. 268 00:10:33,012 --> 00:10:34,613 I thought Teri knew about Cynthia. 269 00:10:34,647 --> 00:10:36,748 She does, but neither of them know about Lydia. 270 00:10:36,783 --> 00:10:39,134 - Ooh. - Wow. 271 00:10:39,168 --> 00:10:42,821 Whoa! [Laughter] 272 00:10:42,855 --> 00:10:44,373 Okay, so what's this lever do? 273 00:10:44,407 --> 00:10:47,709 That manipulates the secondary shaft. 274 00:10:47,727 --> 00:10:49,377 Oh, the secondary shaft. 275 00:10:49,395 --> 00:10:51,096 [Shudders] Ah-ooga! 276 00:10:51,147 --> 00:10:52,447 [Laughter] 277 00:10:52,482 --> 00:10:54,366 The lift capacity's up to 2,000 pounds. 278 00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:55,500 That's a lot of beets. 279 00:10:55,535 --> 00:10:57,285 Let's talk terms. 280 00:10:57,303 --> 00:11:00,289 If you agree to a 40-60 split on this tractor, 281 00:11:00,323 --> 00:11:02,274 I'll store it in one of my barns. 282 00:11:02,325 --> 00:11:04,893 Mr. Bruegger, are you trying to take advantage of me 283 00:11:04,911 --> 00:11:06,311 because I'm interested in your daughter? 284 00:11:06,346 --> 00:11:08,814 50-50 split, or no deal. 285 00:11:08,848 --> 00:11:12,367 Esther, get in the truck. 286 00:11:12,401 --> 00:11:13,986 No, wait-- okay, wait. 287 00:11:14,020 --> 00:11:17,606 You win. 288 00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:20,442 [Chuckles] Let's get the paperwork started. 289 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:26,348 We should buy an Auger together. 290 00:11:26,382 --> 00:11:28,617 Oh. Yeah. 291 00:11:28,651 --> 00:11:29,818 Yeah, we should do that. 292 00:11:29,852 --> 00:11:31,119 You would be a great one 293 00:11:31,153 --> 00:11:33,672 to buy an Auger with. 294 00:11:35,875 --> 00:11:39,478 Hello, honey, I just spoke to the TV repairman, 295 00:11:39,512 --> 00:11:41,763 and he says we need to keep our TVs turned off 296 00:11:41,797 --> 00:11:43,031 for a couple of months. 297 00:11:43,066 --> 00:11:45,000 Something about the wiring. 298 00:11:45,034 --> 00:11:46,868 Oh! Seven new comments. 299 00:11:46,903 --> 00:11:49,638 "The guy at 0:19 is hawt." 300 00:11:49,672 --> 00:11:50,989 "Hi, bongripper, 301 00:11:51,024 --> 00:11:52,924 it's me, Andy, the guy from 0:19. 302 00:11:52,959 --> 00:11:55,427 I'm glad that you enjoyed my work in that promo. 303 00:11:55,478 --> 00:11:57,512 I really enjoyed your comment. 304 00:11:57,530 --> 00:11:59,364 Going to read some more comments now. 305 00:11:59,399 --> 00:12:02,851 Have a great day!" 306 00:12:02,885 --> 00:12:07,021 "He's not hawt. He's gay." 307 00:12:11,794 --> 00:12:13,445 "Dear jasonjasonjason, 308 00:12:13,479 --> 00:12:14,746 it's me, Andy. 309 00:12:14,797 --> 00:12:16,164 Nice name. Not! 310 00:12:16,199 --> 00:12:17,466 Guess what? I'm not gay. 311 00:12:17,500 --> 00:12:19,735 So you're an idiot. And I am hawt, 312 00:12:19,769 --> 00:12:22,904 according to people on this site who have a brain. 313 00:12:22,922 --> 00:12:26,041 Never comment on this page ever again." 314 00:12:26,075 --> 00:12:27,342 "He is hawt." 315 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:31,346 See? Thank you. That's more like it. 316 00:12:31,381 --> 00:12:34,082 "He is butt." 317 00:12:34,100 --> 00:12:36,902 Agh! Damn it! 318 00:12:36,936 --> 00:12:39,588 I'm about to lose my freaking mind! 319 00:12:39,622 --> 00:12:44,226 Screw you, texaspoontappa. 320 00:12:44,260 --> 00:12:45,593 Ugh. 321 00:12:45,611 --> 00:12:47,679 Security deposit. That's been-- 322 00:12:47,714 --> 00:12:49,514 - Standard. - Right. Standard. 323 00:12:49,549 --> 00:12:51,166 Hey, can I talk to you for one second? 324 00:12:51,184 --> 00:12:52,768 Not now. No. No. 325 00:12:52,802 --> 00:12:53,969 - Just one second. - No. 326 00:12:54,003 --> 00:12:55,454 - One second. - I'm closing a deal 327 00:12:55,488 --> 00:12:58,240 on a tractor with the father of a woman I plan to inseminate. 328 00:12:58,274 --> 00:12:59,707 - Don't do it. - What? 329 00:12:59,726 --> 00:13:00,759 Don't you cap that pen. 330 00:13:00,810 --> 00:13:01,977 Do not cap that pen! 331 00:13:02,011 --> 00:13:03,895 Do-- no! You capped it! 332 00:13:03,946 --> 00:13:05,030 Wow. You are serious. 333 00:13:05,064 --> 00:13:06,131 Okay, you've got two minutes. 334 00:13:06,165 --> 00:13:07,299 Then the cap comes off. 335 00:13:07,333 --> 00:13:10,485 Dude, we're being conned. 336 00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:12,053 Go on. 337 00:13:12,071 --> 00:13:14,306 These chicks are way too hot to be into us. 338 00:13:14,340 --> 00:13:16,725 Esther's just pretending to like you 339 00:13:16,759 --> 00:13:18,710 so that you'll buy her daddy a new tractor. 340 00:13:18,745 --> 00:13:21,430 No. 341 00:13:21,464 --> 00:13:22,664 Yeah, the sister's trying to seduce me 342 00:13:22,698 --> 00:13:23,982 into buying an Auger with her. 343 00:13:24,016 --> 00:13:25,567 What? Has the guarantee expired 344 00:13:25,601 --> 00:13:26,735 on the Auger you have now? 345 00:13:26,769 --> 00:13:30,255 I don't even know what an Auger is. 346 00:13:30,289 --> 00:13:32,140 No woman would ever want a man 347 00:13:32,175 --> 00:13:34,392 who doesn't know what an Auger is. 348 00:13:34,427 --> 00:13:37,479 Hey. You ready to sign? 349 00:13:37,497 --> 00:13:40,081 I just need a moment to consider your offer. 350 00:13:40,115 --> 00:13:44,085 Excuse me. 351 00:13:50,877 --> 00:13:52,727 [Knock at door] 352 00:13:52,762 --> 00:13:54,179 Oh, hey. 353 00:13:54,230 --> 00:13:56,114 - Hey. - Hi. 354 00:13:56,165 --> 00:13:57,566 Hi. I'm sorry. 355 00:13:57,600 --> 00:13:58,550 Do you have a minute? Is this a bad time? 356 00:13:58,584 --> 00:13:59,518 No, no. Please, yeah. 357 00:13:59,552 --> 00:14:03,688 Come on in. 358 00:14:03,723 --> 00:14:05,290 Good to see you. Um, sorry. 359 00:14:05,324 --> 00:14:07,592 My place is usually not this-- 360 00:14:07,627 --> 00:14:08,877 Oh, my gosh, please, don't. 361 00:14:08,911 --> 00:14:11,446 Yeah, no, I-- actually, it's always like this. 362 00:14:11,481 --> 00:14:13,265 [Laughter] You want to go outside? 363 00:14:13,299 --> 00:14:14,449 It's a little less cluttered out there. 364 00:14:14,484 --> 00:14:15,583 - Sure. Yeah. - Yeah? 365 00:14:15,601 --> 00:14:17,018 Yeah. 366 00:14:17,053 --> 00:14:19,855 [Sighs] 367 00:14:19,889 --> 00:14:23,525 - Let me grab a couple drinks. - Okay. 368 00:14:23,543 --> 00:14:25,310 Oh, wow, you have a nice view. 369 00:14:25,344 --> 00:14:26,961 All right. 370 00:14:26,979 --> 00:14:29,347 - That's for you. - Oh, thank you. 371 00:14:29,398 --> 00:14:31,833 - Cheers. - Cheers. 372 00:14:31,868 --> 00:14:33,718 [Radio plays loudly] All right. 373 00:14:33,753 --> 00:14:35,504 How much have you revealed on camera 374 00:14:35,538 --> 00:14:37,189 about your relationship with the Senator? 375 00:14:37,223 --> 00:14:39,291 They caught us kissing on Halloween. 376 00:14:39,325 --> 00:14:41,576 [Gasps] He was dressed like Ronald Reagan! 377 00:14:41,611 --> 00:14:43,328 - Oww! - God. 378 00:14:43,379 --> 00:14:45,580 Angela! Well, he kissed like Jack Kennedy. 379 00:14:45,598 --> 00:14:47,248 - Oh! - Stop it. 380 00:14:47,266 --> 00:14:48,366 Stop kissing him. 381 00:14:48,401 --> 00:14:49,768 Someone needs to call and warn him. 382 00:14:49,819 --> 00:14:51,219 This could ruin his career. 383 00:14:51,254 --> 00:14:53,438 I don't like giving him bad news. 384 00:14:53,472 --> 00:14:54,723 - Call him! - You call him! 385 00:14:54,757 --> 00:14:56,441 - Call him! Call him! - Stop hitting me! No! 386 00:14:56,475 --> 00:14:59,361 - So... - So... 387 00:14:59,395 --> 00:15:01,029 What brings you by? 388 00:15:01,047 --> 00:15:03,682 Well, the promo for the documentary aired today. 389 00:15:03,716 --> 00:15:05,133 - Oh, yeah, that's right. - Yeah. 390 00:15:05,167 --> 00:15:06,818 - It's kind of crazy. - It is. 391 00:15:06,853 --> 00:15:08,720 See all this, like, old stuff. 392 00:15:08,754 --> 00:15:11,890 - I know. - Like, there's that shot 393 00:15:11,924 --> 00:15:14,459 - of Jim and I up on the roof. - Oh, yeah, that was-- 394 00:15:14,493 --> 00:15:16,661 - that was a good moment. - Yeah, wasn't that neat? 395 00:15:16,696 --> 00:15:19,147 - Yeah, that was cool. - Yeah. 396 00:15:19,181 --> 00:15:21,433 And there's this one when we were listening 397 00:15:21,484 --> 00:15:23,618 to music, and it's like-- 398 00:15:23,653 --> 00:15:24,803 it's like we were in love, 399 00:15:24,837 --> 00:15:26,004 we didn't even know we were in love. 400 00:15:26,038 --> 00:15:28,840 And it's-- 401 00:15:28,891 --> 00:15:31,526 but... 402 00:15:31,561 --> 00:15:33,945 do you think Jim's changed? 403 00:15:33,996 --> 00:15:35,447 - Um... - I'm sorry. 404 00:15:35,481 --> 00:15:36,831 Did that-- but that was out of the blue. 405 00:15:36,865 --> 00:15:38,166 I just mean, because you know us, 406 00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:39,968 and you've, like, observed us 407 00:15:40,002 --> 00:15:43,838 for ten years, and I feel like he's-- 408 00:15:43,856 --> 00:15:47,609 I just feel like he's so into his work right now, 409 00:15:47,627 --> 00:15:50,161 and... 410 00:15:50,212 --> 00:15:52,931 I don't know. Am I crazy? 411 00:15:52,982 --> 00:15:55,717 No, you're not crazy. 412 00:15:57,853 --> 00:16:02,123 Well, I wish that made me feel better. 413 00:16:02,158 --> 00:16:05,777 Listen, so everybody saw the promos, 414 00:16:05,811 --> 00:16:07,095 and they're kind of freaking out. 415 00:16:07,113 --> 00:16:08,647 - [Chuckles] - 'Cause it seems 416 00:16:08,698 --> 00:16:11,116 like you got a lot of private stuff on camera. 417 00:16:11,150 --> 00:16:13,051 - Yeah. - You know, stuff people 418 00:16:13,085 --> 00:16:15,036 didn't intend for everyone to see, 419 00:16:15,054 --> 00:16:17,155 and they kind of want to know how much. 420 00:16:17,189 --> 00:16:18,890 They want to know how much what? 421 00:16:18,941 --> 00:16:20,592 How much stuff you got. 422 00:16:20,626 --> 00:16:22,360 Pretty much everything. 423 00:16:22,411 --> 00:16:25,046 Well, yeah, but what if we turn off our mic packs? 424 00:16:25,081 --> 00:16:26,414 They've got parabolic mics. 425 00:16:26,449 --> 00:16:27,782 They can pick you up 100 yards away. 426 00:16:27,817 --> 00:16:31,186 So, no, if you were around there, they got you. 427 00:16:31,220 --> 00:16:34,422 So we basically had no privacy for ten years. 428 00:16:34,457 --> 00:16:36,508 That's not really true. I mean... 429 00:16:36,542 --> 00:16:40,161 - that's-- - Um... 430 00:16:40,179 --> 00:16:41,763 yeah, I gotta go. 431 00:16:41,797 --> 00:16:42,797 Oh, no, hang on a second. 432 00:16:42,831 --> 00:16:44,382 Pam, I'm sorry. I-- I-- 433 00:16:44,433 --> 00:16:45,800 I can explain this so much better. 434 00:16:45,834 --> 00:16:48,002 No, I think you explained it. 435 00:16:48,020 --> 00:16:51,106 Look, if you give me a chance, I can-- Pam. 436 00:16:54,009 --> 00:16:55,009 "We will win this baseball game 437 00:16:55,010 --> 00:16:56,978 against the Evil Space Yankees. 438 00:16:57,012 --> 00:16:58,379 Eat fresh." 439 00:16:58,413 --> 00:16:59,714 That'll pay for the exploding helicopter. 440 00:16:59,748 --> 00:17:01,683 - Smart. - Mm-hmm. 441 00:17:01,717 --> 00:17:04,436 "Suddenly, the Evil Thugs break into the stadium. 442 00:17:04,470 --> 00:17:07,472 The Big Piece hits baseball at the Evil Thugs." 443 00:17:07,523 --> 00:17:09,524 "Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks." 444 00:17:09,558 --> 00:17:11,543 Come on, man. Sell it. 445 00:17:11,577 --> 00:17:14,596 Yeah, Jim. 446 00:17:14,630 --> 00:17:16,781 [Forceful] "Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks!" 447 00:17:16,816 --> 00:17:18,116 Yeah, that's better. 448 00:17:18,150 --> 00:17:20,034 "A bunch of hot women go, 449 00:17:20,069 --> 00:17:21,319 'oh, yeah.'" 450 00:17:21,370 --> 00:17:23,621 "Megan, I was too shy to tell you this 451 00:17:23,656 --> 00:17:25,824 when I was just a normal professional baseball player, 452 00:17:25,875 --> 00:17:28,276 but I love you." 453 00:17:28,294 --> 00:17:30,578 "They kiss. It is super emotional. 454 00:17:30,612 --> 00:17:33,298 - Like in Toy Story." - Wow. 455 00:17:33,332 --> 00:17:34,549 I tell you what. It's really strong. 456 00:17:34,583 --> 00:17:36,301 Can't wait to read the rest of it later, 457 00:17:36,335 --> 00:17:38,169 - see how it ends. - It's so strong. 458 00:17:38,220 --> 00:17:40,505 Keep reading then. 459 00:17:40,556 --> 00:17:43,007 "Gotta go. Darth Vader's launching a huge attack." 460 00:17:43,042 --> 00:17:45,176 Um, another thing. 461 00:17:45,227 --> 00:17:47,061 I'm gonna need you to get me the rights 462 00:17:47,096 --> 00:17:50,115 to Darth Vader. 463 00:17:50,149 --> 00:17:52,433 I don't know how we'd go about doing that, but... 464 00:17:52,467 --> 00:17:54,402 - We can look into it. - We'll look into it. 465 00:17:54,436 --> 00:17:55,870 We need Darth. 466 00:17:55,905 --> 00:17:57,472 - We gotta get him. - Go after Darth then. 467 00:17:57,506 --> 00:17:59,140 - We're gonna go get him. - That's what we're gonna do. 468 00:17:59,175 --> 00:18:00,909 We're gonna go get him. 469 00:18:00,943 --> 00:18:02,944 Maybe you're right. 470 00:18:02,978 --> 00:18:04,195 Esther's a ten, 471 00:18:04,246 --> 00:18:05,947 and the best I've ever done is Angela, 472 00:18:05,981 --> 00:18:07,866 who's a nine, and she rejected me. 473 00:18:07,917 --> 00:18:10,618 A Scranton nine, but, yeah, point taken. 474 00:18:10,652 --> 00:18:12,754 Hey, let's go out tonight 475 00:18:12,788 --> 00:18:15,006 and just score a couple fours, huh? 476 00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:17,258 I mean, there are no games with fours. 477 00:18:17,293 --> 00:18:18,843 Who needs a new tractor anyway? 478 00:18:18,878 --> 00:18:20,345 Maybe we're the kind of guys 479 00:18:20,379 --> 00:18:22,547 who end up with a tractor that's already been rode hard 480 00:18:22,598 --> 00:18:23,882 and put away muddy. 481 00:18:23,933 --> 00:18:24,966 Screw new tractors. 482 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:27,602 Guys like us, we got to plant our seed 483 00:18:27,636 --> 00:18:29,437 - a different way. - By hand. 484 00:18:29,471 --> 00:18:31,639 [Door opens] Dwight. 485 00:18:31,673 --> 00:18:33,308 We need to talk. 486 00:18:33,342 --> 00:18:35,193 I don't know that there's anything left 487 00:18:35,227 --> 00:18:37,529 for us to talk about, Esther. 488 00:18:37,563 --> 00:18:39,280 Look, we're gonna have the tractor for the same amount 489 00:18:39,315 --> 00:18:41,449 of work days, but my dad is planning on leasing it 490 00:18:41,483 --> 00:18:42,984 to the Vanderkirk brothers on the weekends. 491 00:18:43,018 --> 00:18:44,536 No. 492 00:18:44,570 --> 00:18:46,287 So you're gonna be paying more, but he's putting on 493 00:18:46,322 --> 00:18:48,122 ten times the miles, and he's pocketing a profit 494 00:18:48,157 --> 00:18:50,325 - behind your back. - That snake! 495 00:18:50,359 --> 00:18:52,160 You need to tell him you want a deal based on miles, 496 00:18:52,194 --> 00:18:53,361 or he can just stick that tractor 497 00:18:53,379 --> 00:18:55,029 where the sun don't shine. 498 00:18:55,047 --> 00:18:56,864 That shady grove out by Willard's pond. 499 00:18:56,882 --> 00:18:58,366 Mm-hmm. 500 00:18:58,384 --> 00:19:01,920 So... you're fine with me not leasing the tractor? 501 00:19:01,971 --> 00:19:04,639 I mean, our courtship can proceed? 502 00:19:04,673 --> 00:19:06,257 Of course. 503 00:19:06,308 --> 00:19:10,144 You didn't think I was just tractor bait, did you? 504 00:19:10,179 --> 00:19:12,380 N-no. [Laughs] 505 00:19:12,398 --> 00:19:13,898 - That-- - Yeah. 506 00:19:13,933 --> 00:19:16,517 Hey, Dwight. What's an Auger used for? 507 00:19:16,551 --> 00:19:18,236 Post hole digging. 508 00:19:18,270 --> 00:19:21,555 [Laughter] 509 00:19:21,574 --> 00:19:22,907 [Telephone ringing] 510 00:19:22,942 --> 00:19:24,909 You've reached Senator Robert Lipton. 511 00:19:24,944 --> 00:19:27,195 Please leave a message. [Telephone beeps] 512 00:19:27,229 --> 00:19:28,496 - Hi, honey! - Hey, honey. 513 00:19:28,530 --> 00:19:29,530 - No, you go. - Go. No, go ahead. 514 00:19:29,564 --> 00:19:31,565 - Hi, honey. - Hey, hey, Robert. 515 00:19:31,584 --> 00:19:33,501 - It's Angela and Oscar. - Hey. 516 00:19:33,535 --> 00:19:34,752 Just a few quick things. 517 00:19:34,787 --> 00:19:37,705 Um, the documentary's going to be airing soon, 518 00:19:37,739 --> 00:19:39,907 and-- and you look great in the promos. 519 00:19:39,925 --> 00:19:41,876 - Oh, you look so handsome. - Oh. 520 00:19:41,910 --> 00:19:43,678 Very presidential. 521 00:19:43,712 --> 00:19:45,763 - Very much so. Absolutely. - Yeah. 522 00:19:45,798 --> 00:19:47,932 Hey, I get the sense you're gonna be outed as gay. 523 00:19:47,967 --> 00:19:51,052 Yes, and I cheated on you with Dwight. 524 00:19:51,086 --> 00:19:52,637 It looks like they got it on film. 525 00:19:52,688 --> 00:19:55,023 I didn't tell you about it. 526 00:19:55,057 --> 00:19:56,924 - I think that's it. - I think we're good. 527 00:19:56,942 --> 00:19:59,277 - Done. Okay. - Bye. Love you. 528 00:19:59,311 --> 00:20:01,446 [Whimpers] 529 00:20:03,449 --> 00:20:06,367 Hey, texaspoontappa and jasonjasonjason 530 00:20:06,402 --> 00:20:07,869 and all the rest of you haters out there, 531 00:20:07,903 --> 00:20:09,370 check this out. 532 00:20:09,405 --> 00:20:12,373 [Plays an upbeat melody] 533 00:20:12,408 --> 00:20:14,145 ♪ 534 00:20:14,970 --> 00:20:18,003 _ 535 00:20:29,308 --> 00:20:30,808 Good night, Andy. 536 00:20:30,843 --> 00:20:32,260 Huh? Yeah. 537 00:20:32,294 --> 00:20:33,594 See ya. 538 00:20:33,628 --> 00:20:37,131 Oh! What? 539 00:20:37,149 --> 00:20:38,733 [Grumbles] 540 00:20:38,767 --> 00:20:41,769 [Moans] 541 00:20:45,357 --> 00:20:48,326 [Speaking Danish] 542 00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:50,078 Elskere. 543 00:20:50,112 --> 00:20:52,980 I hope you got sound on everything. 544 00:20:52,998 --> 00:20:56,217 I'd love a DVD of that. 545 00:20:57,165 --> 00:20:58,925 _ 546 00:20:58,926 --> 00:21:01,185 _ 547 00:21:03,876 --> 00:21:06,878 [Car horns honking] 548 00:21:15,121 --> 00:21:19,910 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com